On Seeing Red

I'm Mad. Twice now in the past week I have found myself in situations where I feel positively murderous because I'm so mad. Fortunately I was on the right side of both situations. I have support on that. I have a witness.

We've been communicating with the birth mother of my girls over email. I set up an account solely for that purpose. At first she told me what she thought "I wanted to hear". I'm not an idiot though and saw through all of that. Me and Hubby Guy have had an ongoing conversation with her. She has with each email become more and more truthful about how she feels.

I'm trying really hard not to be overly negative about fostering. Yes, it's for the greater good. Yes, there is a need for people who are willing to deal with all the "yuck" that comes with the process.

BUT, they lie to you. They tell you all the wonderful stories about how bio parents and adoptive parents all get along famously when its over. They tell you all kinds of wonderful stories about how grateful bio parents are and how much both sides learn from each other. I say very loudly "Bull Ca-Ca". They definitely need not invite me to speak to the new foster parents in training about the experience. I would not be willing to sit there and lie to them.

The girls bio mom is delusional. She had 5 children taken from her and not returned. Her parental rights to my girls were terminated. She entrusted all 3 boys. She takes zero responsibility for anything that happened before they were taken. According to her everything was peachy. She's so juvenile that her only defense is that we know nothing because we weren't there. I guess she thinks the kids are still keeping all her secrets. She doesn't know they've already told us what she said about if they ever told what was happening they would be put in an orphanage and beaten every day. There are a couple other similar things she told them to try to cover her backside and try to keep them from telling. I wish I had a record of all the people we've talked to who knew them before and are blown away about how happy and healthy they are now. The little one was 5 and had the vocabulary of a 2 year old when we got her. She communicated with points and grunts. I suppose that was on account of her mother's stellar parenting? The oldest one told me they were told they could bathe whenever they wanted and not at all if that was their choice. They rarely went to school and they lived next door to it. I guess she thought she was so smart it would rub off on her children. When was that supposed to happen? Was it when my oldest was watching her shoot up? Was it when my oldest was trying to take care of her because she was stoned and fell off the toilet and couldn't get up? Was it while she was passed out on the couch and my little one was carving paths in the trash so they could walk around the house? Was that when all those smarts were supposed to rub off? Was that when all her fine parenting was taking place?

I really do want for that woman to get her life together. I want her to take responsibility for what she put her children through. I really would love for them to be able to have a relationship with her. It pains me that she's such an idiot. She doesn't know the Lord and she fried her brain with drugs and alcohol. Can the Lord redeem that? I want to believe he can, but I just don't know. I do know that if she continues the way she is she will never see her daughters again. To me that's very sad.