If you REALLY know me, you know that I am a complete GOOMBA!!! **Goomba is the Stef word for goofball** The reality of my situation is that most people don't REALLY know me. (Eg. Most of the world isn't fortunate enough to have heard our rabbit rap his personal themesong.)
Yesterday I shared with you about my "realms". Well I woke up today not feeling much like adhering to my work persona....so I didn't. I think I scared some people. It was nice for once to just be me without caring so much about workplace social mores.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
My Messed Up Realms
I confess.... I compartmentalize my life.
Work exists in it's own realm.
Home, family, church, etc. exist in their own realms.
Work and my other realms generally have nothing to do with one another.....with one exception.
My boss at work is someone I go to church with too. I consider her a friend outside of work. At work she's the boss that I really respect and like working with.
This week my boss got a promotion. She deserves it. She's gonna be AWESOME at the new job. I'm happy for my FRIEND. I'm struggling, though, because I'm selfishly unhappy about losing my BOSS. For whatever reason I feel somewhat betrayed. I don't think that's very fair that I feel that. I do, though. I would imagine that the majority of that feeling is just because of trying to process the change. I feel like I'm grieving. I haven't cried but I've felt like it. I've definitely been angry. I don't know what's after anger. I'm not really mad anymore.
The truth is that I'm not unhappy with my replacement boss. She's cool too. We get along great. We understand one another and communicate easy. In some ways she'll be easier to work with. I'm just a big spoiled baby that likes things the way they were.
I think the heart of my unrest lies in the notion that I will lose my friend. Her new post puts her in that elite category that can't really socialize with such commoners as myself. I get it. I just hate social stratification based on job status. She would never intentionally make anyone feel "beneath her". Unfortunately, that's an unpleasant side effect of "professional distance".
I find myself in an awkward place.
Work exists in it's own realm.
Home, family, church, etc. exist in their own realms.
Work and my other realms generally have nothing to do with one another.....with one exception.
My boss at work is someone I go to church with too. I consider her a friend outside of work. At work she's the boss that I really respect and like working with.
This week my boss got a promotion. She deserves it. She's gonna be AWESOME at the new job. I'm happy for my FRIEND. I'm struggling, though, because I'm selfishly unhappy about losing my BOSS. For whatever reason I feel somewhat betrayed. I don't think that's very fair that I feel that. I do, though. I would imagine that the majority of that feeling is just because of trying to process the change. I feel like I'm grieving. I haven't cried but I've felt like it. I've definitely been angry. I don't know what's after anger. I'm not really mad anymore.
The truth is that I'm not unhappy with my replacement boss. She's cool too. We get along great. We understand one another and communicate easy. In some ways she'll be easier to work with. I'm just a big spoiled baby that likes things the way they were.
I think the heart of my unrest lies in the notion that I will lose my friend. Her new post puts her in that elite category that can't really socialize with such commoners as myself. I get it. I just hate social stratification based on job status. She would never intentionally make anyone feel "beneath her". Unfortunately, that's an unpleasant side effect of "professional distance".
I find myself in an awkward place.
Friday, April 8, 2011
From The EL Part III
For a long time in life I felt very much like an island. I only had very flimsy ties to family. I had no really close friends that were close enough to provide comfort and companionship. I struggled constantly with feeling unloved.
The third excerpt I have reminded me very much of how I feel about God.
This excerpt is also from Charles Martin's book The Mountain Between Us.
"That's when I knew. When I knew for the first time what love was. Not what it felt like. Not how it made me feel. Not what I hoped it was. But what it was. And what it was when I didn't get in the way.
You showed me. It'd been there all along, ....... I'd lived my whole life wanting to love but never able to do so apart from the pain I'd carried. The pain of my dad. Of my mom's absence. Of running but never being fast enough. Of never measuring up.
But there...that night...that moment, it was the first time I'd ever been cut free. When I took a breath deep enough to fill me. All of my life , I'd struggled in the waves, tossed, turned, thrown about like a rag doll, forever trying to surface, screaming for air, but somewhere some unseen hand held me beneath the foam and froth. But in that moment, you held back the waves, lifted me above the surface, and filled me."
We serve an awesome God!
The third excerpt I have reminded me very much of how I feel about God.
This excerpt is also from Charles Martin's book The Mountain Between Us.
"That's when I knew. When I knew for the first time what love was. Not what it felt like. Not how it made me feel. Not what I hoped it was. But what it was. And what it was when I didn't get in the way.
You showed me. It'd been there all along, ....... I'd lived my whole life wanting to love but never able to do so apart from the pain I'd carried. The pain of my dad. Of my mom's absence. Of running but never being fast enough. Of never measuring up.
But there...that night...that moment, it was the first time I'd ever been cut free. When I took a breath deep enough to fill me. All of my life , I'd struggled in the waves, tossed, turned, thrown about like a rag doll, forever trying to surface, screaming for air, but somewhere some unseen hand held me beneath the foam and froth. But in that moment, you held back the waves, lifted me above the surface, and filled me."
We serve an awesome God!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
From The EL Part II
The next excerpt I have is from Charles Martin's book The Mountain Between Us.
"For so long I'd carried the pieces of me. Every now and then I'd drop one like a bread crumb. So I could find my way home.........
Maybe each of us was once a complete whole. A clear picture. A single piece. Then something happened to crack and shatter us. Leaving us disconnected, torn and splintered. Some of us lie in a hundred pieces. Some ten thousand. Some are edged with sharp contrast. Some dim shades of gray. Some find they are missing pieces. Some find they have too many. In any case we are left shaking our heads. It can't be done.
Then someone comes along who mends a tattered edge, or returns a lost piece. The process is tedious, painful, and there are no short cuts. Anything that promises to be one is not.
But somehow, as we walk from the crash site - away from the wreckage - whole sections start taking shape, something vague we see out of the corner of our eye. For a second, we stop shaking our heads. We wonder. Maybe...just maybe.
It's risky for both of us. You must hope in an image you can't see, and I must trust you with me.
That's the piecing."
I don't know about you, but I can name one after another the events that shattered me. In my 20's I began the "piecing" process. I believe these words accurately depict the progression of life with other people as a whole. Life this side of heaven is a delicate dance. I don't think the question is "Why is there pain and brokenness in the world?". I think the question is "How do we pick up the pieces?". I can honestly say that without Christ I never would have bothered. It really breaks my heart when I realize how many people don't bother.
"For so long I'd carried the pieces of me. Every now and then I'd drop one like a bread crumb. So I could find my way home.........
Maybe each of us was once a complete whole. A clear picture. A single piece. Then something happened to crack and shatter us. Leaving us disconnected, torn and splintered. Some of us lie in a hundred pieces. Some ten thousand. Some are edged with sharp contrast. Some dim shades of gray. Some find they are missing pieces. Some find they have too many. In any case we are left shaking our heads. It can't be done.
Then someone comes along who mends a tattered edge, or returns a lost piece. The process is tedious, painful, and there are no short cuts. Anything that promises to be one is not.
But somehow, as we walk from the crash site - away from the wreckage - whole sections start taking shape, something vague we see out of the corner of our eye. For a second, we stop shaking our heads. We wonder. Maybe...just maybe.
It's risky for both of us. You must hope in an image you can't see, and I must trust you with me.
That's the piecing."
I don't know about you, but I can name one after another the events that shattered me. In my 20's I began the "piecing" process. I believe these words accurately depict the progression of life with other people as a whole. Life this side of heaven is a delicate dance. I don't think the question is "Why is there pain and brokenness in the world?". I think the question is "How do we pick up the pieces?". I can honestly say that without Christ I never would have bothered. It really breaks my heart when I realize how many people don't bother.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
From The EL
I've done a bunch of Bible studies by Beth Moore. In one of them she takes time out to talk about and define the word resonate. She even set down at the piano and gave a really spectacular example.
I metioned before that I've been reading while elliptifying. I'm in love with the author Charles Martin. I'm on my 3rd book of his. I tend to prefer female writers. The guy prespective and thought process is usually too cut and dried. I like some meat to the stories I read. This guy writes with more emotion that most of the women authors I've read. In the last few days I've read several things that have truly resonated with me for several different reasons. I've decided I should share.
The first excerpt is from a book titled The Dead Don't Dance. It struck me because it completely describes how I am. Here it is:
"I like to get comfortable with an idea before I take it on. Give me time to ruminate, and I can face most anything, but don't allow me an experience, and then with the sweat still rolling off my face, ask me to interpret it for you. I don't know what to think until I've had time to look in my rearview mirror."
I can think of several instances throughout life where that little nugget of my personality has proven problematic. Somehow I tend to hang with people who are quick processors. I'm just not. When I make a decision or have an opionion it's because I've done my research and had time to think on it. When I'm forced to speak before I'm ready, bad things happen. Oh the words I've eaten and wish I could eat.
I metioned before that I've been reading while elliptifying. I'm in love with the author Charles Martin. I'm on my 3rd book of his. I tend to prefer female writers. The guy prespective and thought process is usually too cut and dried. I like some meat to the stories I read. This guy writes with more emotion that most of the women authors I've read. In the last few days I've read several things that have truly resonated with me for several different reasons. I've decided I should share.
The first excerpt is from a book titled The Dead Don't Dance. It struck me because it completely describes how I am. Here it is:
"I like to get comfortable with an idea before I take it on. Give me time to ruminate, and I can face most anything, but don't allow me an experience, and then with the sweat still rolling off my face, ask me to interpret it for you. I don't know what to think until I've had time to look in my rearview mirror."
I can think of several instances throughout life where that little nugget of my personality has proven problematic. Somehow I tend to hang with people who are quick processors. I'm just not. When I make a decision or have an opionion it's because I've done my research and had time to think on it. When I'm forced to speak before I'm ready, bad things happen. Oh the words I've eaten and wish I could eat.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Combining the Good and the Gooder
I've blogged before about my struggle with body image. Well, I'm actually working hard on that problem and currently am in a pretty decent place. I'm excited about that. What's interesting is the phenomenon that has brought about the change in my physique.
For the last three months I have been being a "good girl" **most of the time** with regard to intake. My sweet, sweet Hubby Guy also allowed me to purchase an elliptical machine. I made a home for it in my basement in a spot where there's plenty of natural light. Hubby Guy even painted that corner of the basement to make it feel happy and clean. The basement walls were kinda bland and dirty looking before. The elliptical has a really cool sound system. I can just plug my ipod into it and it cranks out my tunes nice and loud. For the first couple of weeks I jammed and elliptified myself. It was awesome. I even found a really awesome new classical composer and elliptified to classical music.
Well.... the change of seasons ** and good classical music** always makes me want to read lots of books . On the first warm day I reported to the hammock on the back porch **my assigned seat** to start a book. I eventually lost light and I wasn't ready to stop reading. It was then that I had the most genious idea EVER! I've been a bit obsessed with getting in my workout, etc. I decided it would be an ok idea to go down to the elliptical and elliptify and read at the same time. I figured why not combine something good (exercise) with something gooder (reading). SO... I've been reading and elliptifying for about 2 hours a day. The other day I did almost three. ** crazy, I know** The truth is that I would be reading anyway. Why not do both at the same time?
For the last three months I have been being a "good girl" **most of the time** with regard to intake. My sweet, sweet Hubby Guy also allowed me to purchase an elliptical machine. I made a home for it in my basement in a spot where there's plenty of natural light. Hubby Guy even painted that corner of the basement to make it feel happy and clean. The basement walls were kinda bland and dirty looking before. The elliptical has a really cool sound system. I can just plug my ipod into it and it cranks out my tunes nice and loud. For the first couple of weeks I jammed and elliptified myself. It was awesome. I even found a really awesome new classical composer and elliptified to classical music.
Well.... the change of seasons ** and good classical music** always makes me want to read lots of books . On the first warm day I reported to the hammock on the back porch **my assigned seat** to start a book. I eventually lost light and I wasn't ready to stop reading. It was then that I had the most genious idea EVER! I've been a bit obsessed with getting in my workout, etc. I decided it would be an ok idea to go down to the elliptical and elliptify and read at the same time. I figured why not combine something good (exercise) with something gooder (reading). SO... I've been reading and elliptifying for about 2 hours a day. The other day I did almost three. ** crazy, I know** The truth is that I would be reading anyway. Why not do both at the same time?
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