Why?

Winter Jam 2010, a concert tour featuring Christian artists like: Newsboys, Third Day, and hosted by Newsong, continues to be a major force in raising awareness and support for orphaned, abandoned and vulnerable children overseas.

I went to Winter Jam last weekend. I determined I was old. I needed earplugs. My kid had a good time, though, and that was the whole point of going.

The preacher guy they had with them was Tony Nolan. I've heard him on several occasions. He really does connect well with kids. Tony had a really harsh beginning to life. He was born to a drug addicted prostitute. He was mistreated badly in foster care. He ultimately was adopted and now he's a good guy with a great life, etc.

He was advertising for the sponsor (Holt International). He adopted a little girl from China. It was all sweet and she's cute, etc.

Here's the thing that set me off. In getting to the part about how he was adopted and why he has adopted, he made a big point of saying how badly he was treated in foster care. I realize regardless of what adults are caring for children that there is the potential for mistreatment. I haven't ever heard any person in a position to speak about adoption and foster care speak positively about foster care. I only ever hear how foster parents are horrible people who do it for the money and treat the children badly. I'm not taking his experience away from him, but he didn't need to essentially judge all foster parents. That was wrong. Moreover.....my kid, who has been in foster care in my home 2 years said to me, "Stef, why did he say that about foster care?" It really lit me up!

If I were to choose a topic and climb up on my soapbox, this would be the topic. ** Much attention is given to the children overseas who need a chance at a happy, healthy life. Meanwhile there are over 100,000 children in foster care in the US waiting to be adopted. **

Why are Americans so gung ho about helping other nations while ignoring what's happening in their own nation?

We are adopting two children from foster care. No, they aren't perfect. Yes, they have issues. But... because they came into care at 9yrs and 5yrs they can consider themselves lucky that there was someone willing to take them in and love them instead of skipping off to another country and buying a baby.

I know people go overseas because they believe that it's easier to get a baby there than in the US. I've seen research that disproved that point. They also mistakenly believe that those babies have fewer issues. It's proven that babies who are abused can have problems later in life that stem from stuff they don't consciously remember. On that front people aren't necessarily better off going overseas to get a baby.

Baby stuff aside, why does foster care get such a bad rap? Fostering is way harder than dealing with an infant. How dare people perpetuate a negative image of foster care! There is such a need for foster parents in the US. It really bothers me that kids grow up feeling unwanted because of all the ignorance and negativity surrounding foster care.

I wish everyone could meet my kids. You would never know the atrocities that happened to them for the first years of their lives. They are normal kids. They're adorable and goofy and all the things that an 11 year old and a 7 year old should be. What would have happened to them if Hubby Guy and I had bought all the negativity? It pains me that there are so many more children in the US just like mine who are just waiting for someone to love them.

Hubby Guy On Aerial Skiing

I love watching aerial skiing!! As a former gymnast I understand the difficulty of all the flips and twists. It blows my mind that they can do that with skiis on!

So the other night Hubby Guy and I were watching men's aerial skiing. The commentator was talking about the mechanics of what happens, etc. He was saying that they need a quick burst of energy and lots of adrenaline. About that time Hubby Guy chimed in and said, "What they really need is a quick burst of stupid."

I'm laughing again now. That really tickled my funny bone. It's so true. What genius woke up one morning and said. "I know, I'll shoot myself 55 feet in the air on skiis and see how many flips and twists I can do without killing myself"?

Well Balanced

The downside of selling a house....

The cleanliness required to sell one's house is extreme. I've cleaned for hours for several days in a row. There's still stuff that needs to be cleaned. How is that possible? My house is small!

Good news... as I was cleaning some more today.... the realtor called and we already have a showing for tomorrow! Who knew?

I'm choosing to take the pessimistic route through this process. I've decided the house will sit on the market for a very long time. I've chosen that route so when someone wants to buy it I will be surprised and excited.

Hubby Guy has decided that the people who are coming tomorrow are gonna buy it. He's gonna be disappointed, but he's chosen the optimistic stance. We balance one another well.

On Lying

I CANNOT stand a lie. I especially CANNOT stand a blatant lie.

This morning my child cooked up a story that Hubby Guy and I almost fell for hook-line-and-sinker. She called Hubby Guy (after calling my phone and letting it ring only a couple times so I wouldn't have time to pick up) from school and told him the nurse said she had a fever and had to come home. I went to school to pick her up. The secretary talked to the lady (not actually the nurse) who spoke with the kid and asked her to tell me what the kid's temp was. Apparently there was no temp. I then asked if she was told she had to go home for the day. Nope. The kid lied about both things. When the kid walked into the office I looked at her and coldly said "You lied. Go back to class." The school is probably calling DSS on me. The kid walked out of the office crying. I think the secretary was traumatized.

The truth of the situation is this: The child knows that lying isn't tolerated. She also knows the family policy on missing school. In order for a child of ours to miss school they must meet one or more of the following criteria: 1) Puking their guts out, 2) Bleeding out, or 3) Delirious with fever.

The school policy is if a child has fever they send them home. The kid knows we have no choice but to come get her if the school says we have to. She isn't the more intelligent of our two children, but apparently she is smart enough to cook up a scheme and try to pull a fast one.

I also know the child doesn't feel especially well. Neither does her sister. All she had to do was call and tell the truth ("I really don't feel good. Can I please come home?"). She would have had a much more desirable outcome.

On Being Grossed Out

One never knows the extent of filth in ones home until they are getting it ready to sell.

I have a big topic to write about that's unrelated to house selling. I don't however have the time currently to write it. I promise I will return once all the goo has been exercised from my living establishment.

I'm Definitely A Card Carrying Girl

When I was younger there were things my brothers tried to teach me. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you see the situation) I was a failure.

My older brother tried for years to teach me how to throw a football. No matter how hard I tried it bobbled awkwardly end-over-end every single time I threw it.

My little brother was in charge of teaching all things "bodily function". To this day I cannot make myself burp. I was so studious. I studied under his great skill for years and it just doesn't work for me. I've decided that particular skill is genetic. He also tried with no success to teach me to arm pit fart. I just can't. He tried to teach me to do the same with the back of my knee or by squeezing my hands together. Apparently there are some things I just can't learn. Believe it or not, for a competitive person like me that notion is troublesome.

Well.... today at work I was working on a project that required lots of scanning. I had lots of wait time between scans. I was kinda bored. I was goofing off and low and behold if I didn't make squeek noises by clasping my hands together. Now, I have a long way to go before those noises would sound anything close to a fart noise. I was pleased though that I was able to make noise. And NO... I wasn't trying to make a fart sound. I just clasped my hands together and squeezed and that's what happened.

So The Planets Aligned..

The planets aligned yesterday.

I say that because for more than a year now I've been begging Hubby Guy to put a sign in the yard and sell our current living quarters.

I've talked about this before, I'm certain. He's a stickler for timing. We don't always agree on his time table. More often than not we come to some sort of compromise. On this occasion he's finally relented (about 6 weeks ahead of his original timetable).

We talked to the money guy yesterday who told him what I've been telling him for a long time (Go, Money Guy!). He finally agreed to let me contact Ms. Realtor Lady and start the ball rolling.

Of course, Ms. Realtor Lady wasn't in yesterday and I had to leave a message.

I did manage to get done thing one on my to-do list that I posted yesterday. I went all out. I even bought the makings for "Thanksgiving" because that's what Hubby Guy said he wanted.

Today I tackle thing # 2. Today is clean the house day. I'm gonna have to tack laundry onto that too. The little one came out this morning carrying a pair of shorts and a pair of pants I knew were too small and asked which one she should wear. Those were the only two "pant-like" items in her closet. Fortunately there was a clean load waiting in the dryer so I didn't have to send her to school in shorts in sub freezing temperatures. That certainly wouldn't have won me any responsible parent points.

End. Begin...

Well, the gymnastics season is officially over. I get my life back. I'm glad to have my life back but am sad to see gymnastics go. This has been the very best season ever. We qualified more gymnasts into the regional meet that ever before.Lots of them scored personal bests this season. Unfortunately, yesterday's meet wasn't very good. I think nerves got the best of them. I'm still super proud of them. They did good.

Here's my plan of action.

1) Go to the grocery store - Scott has fed the girls hamburger helper every night since the beginning of November. * Not actually true* But, I look forward to cooking and having dinner with my family again on a regular basis.

2) Clean the house - I shall not scare you with the details of how filth encrusted my house is right now.

3) Call my friendz!!!! I know I have some of those. I'll have to search old journals and try to remember their names and give them a call so we can go sit and chat (perhaps very, very long at Applebees again.... or maybe Hams this time)

4) Finish the quilt I started making for my sister 3 years ago that's still not done.

5) Catch up with scrapbooking, read lots of books, work out regularly, play with my kids, etc.

AND.... rent a storage unit, stage our house, put it on the market, sell it, find a house, move to it, set up life there, etc.. :)

On Getting Cool Points Anywhere I Can

OK.. so I've faced it. I'm not what is considered "young" anymore. I haven't let go of "young-ish", but clearly I'm old. I can't pretend I'm still in college. I had a nice run with that one, but it's over.

I do still hang with young people, though. I hang out with authentic teens. They accept me as much as a teenager will accept a "young-ish" person. *aside* A 20 something told me yesterday that I don't look old enough to have children as old as mine. That made me smile. What a sweet 20 something she is!

Anyway... yesterday I got some cool points. It made me feel so good. The daughter of my friend added me as a friend on Facebook. I felt honored. Things to know about life: Teens/near teens will not friend you on Facebook if you're a "creeper" or in their opinion uncool in any way.

And... to make it all the better. The kid that friended me is a good kid. She's the kind of kid I want my kid hanging out with.

SO... for a few seconds I basked in the glow of coolness I was emitting. It wore off so fast. It's ok though. I get cool points anywhere I can. I appreciate the coolness even though it doesn't stick on me. (Coolness will not stick on old people... something about sagging skin and age spots... I don't know)

:)

In other news. Tomorrow we travel a couple of hours to the State Qualifyer gymnastics meet. We worked really hard this season and it's been awesome. We had three gymnasts qualify to compete on all 4 events. In the last 4 seasons we've never had even one gymnast compete in the all around at the State Qualifyer. They have to get a qualifying score on each event or reach an all around qualifying score during the season to be allowed to compete at this meet. Then, at this meet they have the opportunity to qualify for the State Meet. That's a really big deal. In the last 4 seasons only one gymnast from Harrisonburg High School has ever qualifyed to go to the State Meet. We've got our fingers crossed. It's been a banner season and that would be the icing on the cake.

As a coach I'm really proud. This is my 5th season with the team. The seniors this year were 8th graders my first year, so I've coached them through their entire high school gymnastics experience. The other coach and I make a really great coaching duo. It has been pointed out to me a few times this season that the team started getting good when I came on board. We are experiencing the culminating effects of the great coaching duo this year. We have the most successful team in HHS history. It's hard for me to recognize that I have anything to do with the success of the team. I do, though, and that's a nice feeling.

But, after gymnastics season I will go back to being an uncool mom who makes the children do chores and homework. No more high school students to help keep me "hip". I don't know if they use that word anymore. Anyway... I'll miss them until November when it will all start again.

If I could...

If I could I would send a letter that reads:

Dear Irresponsible Parents, Your punk 6th grader refuses to delete my number from her cell phone. She continues to send me stupid text forwards even though she knows I'm an adult. She is doing it because you have failed at creating a responsible and respectful child. You stink as a parent and your child needs a spanking.

Really Irritated Parent

Can you tell that I'm irritated? Fine.. I know that some kids are responsible enough to have cell phones. Some, obviously, aren't. My child is in the aren't pile and at 11 she doesn't have a phone. Moreover, she won't have a phone until she has enough brains not to continue to harrass another child's parents.

I reported the kid to the school resource officer this afternoon. He's going to speak with her parents. If that doesn't make her stop he counseled me to create an official police report. I plan on doing just that.

I can't believe I may have to press charges against a 6th grader for harassing me with a cell phone. That's ridiculous. What is the world coming to?


*Update* - The resource officer called me back. He spoke with the little punk's mother. She was very apologetic and said she would would certainly handle the matter. I don't know what the punk's outcome will be, but I can say with certainty that if a police officer called my house and told me that my kid was harassing an adult that it would not be pretty.

On Snow Days

I'm beginning to have symptoms similar to people who are tortured by lack of stimuli.

Sure... my house is filthy.

Sure... I'm bored.

BUT, I don't want to do anything and I want to do something ALL at the same time.

It's overwhelming.

And...so far the kids have been outside most of the day and it's been quiet in the house.

If I believed there were levels to hell I'm pretty sure I'd be on one of them.

I'm even craving fish sticks! It's dire here, people. Dire!

I'm So Mouthy Sometimes

So I got a call this morning. It was from the adoption case worker. OY!

Do you know what she wanted? Take a guess!

She wanted to schedule A VISIT!

We were told by the doorknobs over and over that after the home study was done that we would no longer have to deal with doorknobs in our home.

BUT NO.

I had a hard time holding myself back.

I'm certain I've caught on to the doorknob game. They tell you well placed lies about important stuff (landmarky type stuff) just so months down the road they can yank the rug out from under you again. They do this just for sport. They like to pop stuff on you when you feel finally free and clear. To them it's great fun.

Now, truthfully, I don't care if they want to see the girls. We have nothing to hide. I'm just SO WEARY of all the lies they tell. Would it be so horrible to tell the truth?

So, being caught off guard, my snarky little attitude roared into action. I let my annoyance be known. I think she was caught off guard with my annoyance. So be it. I was nice. I just didn't play the "don't tick them off because they may take my kids" game they like me to play. I am DONE with that game.

One of the lines in the adoption placement orders we signed said that at this point they can't take them away from us unless there's the documented evidence that the kids are being abused, etc. Guess what? Me being snarky completely outside of earshot of my kids doesn't qualify. Hee-hee to the big lying doorknobs. score one for me.

Really Disoriented

When I was a kid, like every other kid, I loved free days off of school. In the south that happens very rarely (at least where I grew up). I was a straight A student and had parents who didn't really give a rip so I would just tell my mother every once in a while that I wasn't going to school if I felt I needed a personal day. I got away with it for reasons I won't go into here. I didn't even need a reason.

My children have been to school I think 3 days in the past 2 weeks. It's ridiculous. I'm really tired of snow days. I don't mind my children being home as much as I mind that I'm unable to keep my daily routine. I like my week days kept the way they are. They are perfectly balanced so that I don't go insane.

I feel really disoriented and detached. I miss my friends. You would think with all the snow there would be more opportunity to see friends. Not so much.

I want my life back! Pray for spring!

On Seeing Red

I'm Mad. Twice now in the past week I have found myself in situations where I feel positively murderous because I'm so mad. Fortunately I was on the right side of both situations. I have support on that. I have a witness.

We've been communicating with the birth mother of my girls over email. I set up an account solely for that purpose. At first she told me what she thought "I wanted to hear". I'm not an idiot though and saw through all of that. Me and Hubby Guy have had an ongoing conversation with her. She has with each email become more and more truthful about how she feels.

I'm trying really hard not to be overly negative about fostering. Yes, it's for the greater good. Yes, there is a need for people who are willing to deal with all the "yuck" that comes with the process.

BUT, they lie to you. They tell you all the wonderful stories about how bio parents and adoptive parents all get along famously when its over. They tell you all kinds of wonderful stories about how grateful bio parents are and how much both sides learn from each other. I say very loudly "Bull Ca-Ca". They definitely need not invite me to speak to the new foster parents in training about the experience. I would not be willing to sit there and lie to them.

The girls bio mom is delusional. She had 5 children taken from her and not returned. Her parental rights to my girls were terminated. She entrusted all 3 boys. She takes zero responsibility for anything that happened before they were taken. According to her everything was peachy. She's so juvenile that her only defense is that we know nothing because we weren't there. I guess she thinks the kids are still keeping all her secrets. She doesn't know they've already told us what she said about if they ever told what was happening they would be put in an orphanage and beaten every day. There are a couple other similar things she told them to try to cover her backside and try to keep them from telling. I wish I had a record of all the people we've talked to who knew them before and are blown away about how happy and healthy they are now. The little one was 5 and had the vocabulary of a 2 year old when we got her. She communicated with points and grunts. I suppose that was on account of her mother's stellar parenting? The oldest one told me they were told they could bathe whenever they wanted and not at all if that was their choice. They rarely went to school and they lived next door to it. I guess she thought she was so smart it would rub off on her children. When was that supposed to happen? Was it when my oldest was watching her shoot up? Was it when my oldest was trying to take care of her because she was stoned and fell off the toilet and couldn't get up? Was it while she was passed out on the couch and my little one was carving paths in the trash so they could walk around the house? Was that when all those smarts were supposed to rub off? Was that when all her fine parenting was taking place?

I really do want for that woman to get her life together. I want her to take responsibility for what she put her children through. I really would love for them to be able to have a relationship with her. It pains me that she's such an idiot. She doesn't know the Lord and she fried her brain with drugs and alcohol. Can the Lord redeem that? I want to believe he can, but I just don't know. I do know that if she continues the way she is she will never see her daughters again. To me that's very sad.

Waking From A Nightmare

I feel as if I'm being awakened from a bad nightmare. I hear voices in the distance. It sounds like they're saying "It's over." I'm unsure because on the inside I feel floaty and not quite "with it".

This morning we had our first meeting with our adoption attorney. It went well. I have a vague sense now of when we'll actually be done. It'll either be the 3rd wednesday or the first monday of whatever month the paperwork finally gets completed. How's that for nailing jello to a wall?

We did find out that we'll go to court as a family. I think that'll go a long way toward giving the girls some closure.

I'll probably have lots more the say about that, but not right now.

On Reading Novels in One Sitting

I read a novel yesterday. It took me 7-9 hours (I don't really remember what time I started). I COULD NOT put it down. It's called Breaking the Silence by Diane Chamberlain. I've not been able to put books down before but this one truly held my interest. I HAD to finish the whole thing.

NOW....it is book by a secular author. It is told from a way secular worldview. It isn't full of curse words, however, and the "intimate encounters" were tastefully told without lots of extra details.

I think the notion that captured me was that the story could very much have been true. It was enthralling without being so far fetched that it was overdramatic and unbelieveable. Wowie-zowie. I definitely will read more of her books.

It's a shame the author doesn't know Christ. BUT, If she were a Christian author I would just have to quit life and sit around and be entertained by every word she wrote.

On Moving

For a long time now I've lamented about the size of our current living quarters. I've said before if it were feasible to double the size of our house and stay where we are I would do it. The truth is that it isn't feasible. I do love where our house is, but the space it offers is painfully inadequate.

I've posted a long list before about the qualities that endear me to Hubby Guy. He does, however, have other qualities. One thing about him that really is a wonderful quality but I, at times, find really annoying is that he has a sense of timing for things and unfortunately his timing to things IS a hill he will die on. That particular quality has been standing in the way of me actually having a place to store all the things I feel worthy of storage in my own home due to a lack of space. Is has also been standing in the way of my children having rooms of their own. I am amazed that they haven't killed each other yet.

Well, the wait is over. In the weeks to come we will be putting a sign in the yard.

YEEEEHHHAAAWWWWW!!!!!!!

Of course there's much to do. We have to find some lucky person to buy this cute little place from us. We also find someplace suitable to move. It'll all be a big pain in the boody. It'll so be worth it though. I can't wait!!!!

On "Those Moments"....

There is so much that I wish I could describe about fostering to adopt. The truth, however, is that it's one of those things that must be personally experienced to really understand.

Two things happened this week that were pretty cool.

The other day the oldest was on the phone with a friend and she said "My Mom..... Stef..... yes, my Mom said....." I can't tell you how precious those words are. She does refer to me as mom when I'm not around. I've been told this by lots of people. She doesn't refer to me as Mom when I'm actually in the room. It was nice that she said that in front of me. It was a nice moment.

This morning the littlest and I were playing. She was in "crawl into my skin with me" mode. Some have witnessed it. It can be scary. Anyway.. I was tickling her trying to get her to let go and I asked her why she was being such a goober. She said, "Because I love my mommy!" People, she was talking about me!! That's HUGE! The "mommy" word is one that until now has been reserved solely for speaking about the person who birthed her. She definitely put a deposit in my love bank by using that word on me. She's called me mom but never mommy until today. How cool is that?!

On Dangerous Whims

So it snowed.

I drive a Mustang.

It's rear wheel drive.

The relationship between rear wheel drive vehicles and snow is one marked with difficulty. BUT, therein lies opportunity for much fun.

I went out for a bit yesterday. The main roads have been cleared and were fine. My neighborhood is a different story. It still has a wide band of thick snowy ice in the middle. For whatever reason one entrance of my street always holds ice well. That entrance also has a large intersection within a block of turning onto my road. Well... there was no one around when we turned in yesterday so I decided to slip slide a little for fun right at that spot. I got it loose and poured on a little too much juice which resulted in a donut. It was my first donut ever so I was kinda scared. I trembled for about 15 minutes afterward. It was really fun though! I immediately texted my boss who is a wild woman. I knew she would be proud and she was.

My oldest child, who shall be known henceforth as "Wimpy McWimperson", curled up in a ball and almost started crying. She was petrified. Meanwhile, little miss thrill seeker in the backseat had her hands in the air shouting "Woo Hoo!! Do it again!!". This morning when we got in the car the first thing she did was start begging me to do another donut. I fear I've created a monster.