Cobwebs Be Gone

I love fall. The coolness of today has made me very happy. I always love it when this time of year rolls around. For whatever reason it's fall where I feel like my brain gets a fresh start. It was like that even before I got children. I'm not sure why spring doesn't have the same effect. It just doesn't.

Saved By The Grandma Unit

The cruise director got the day off yesterday. After breakfast the oldest said she was missing her Nana. So I said, "By all means call her!" It just so happened she was in town and didn't have anything going in the afternoon. So... she came and picked up the children and had a Nana day with them. Woo-hoo, Woo hoo! Woo Woo Whoo hoo! So... I got some unexpected time to myself.

I've only been a mom for 17 months. There is much I don't know. I'm betting though that the phenomenon I'm about to describe isn't unusual.

I ended up with free time and I had NO IDEA what to do with it. I can usually manage a couple of hours. I had basically all day! And... Hubby guy was only gonna be around for a couple of the hours. We ran some errands and hung out like in our B.C. (before children) days. After he left I was really at a loss.

I decided to purge the children's room. They're horrible pack rats. In those rare times they actually aren't home for a while I go in and make lots of stuff disappear. They save every scrap of paper that they take a notion to doodle on. The little one especially saves every single masterpiece that she creates at school. The thing is... they never look at any of it. It just sits around and multiplies. They don't even take care of it like they have any attachment to it. Papers get all torn and wrinkled. It spreads all over the room. (Can you tell this gets on my nerves?)

I also make clothes disappear. This is easy to do when I do laundry. They get really upset if they see me put stuff in the Goodwill pile. I'm prone though to get rid of stuff that still fits. If it fits them but I think it doesn't look right I get rid of it. This drives them nuts. So, I did some of that. It's cathartic to purge.

After I did those things I still had a little more than two hours. I was so bored. So... I called up my little old lady friend. She's the one that taught me how to quilt. Let me rephrase. She's the one that goes with me step by step while I do quilting projects. Fortunately she lives a few blocks from the girls' grandma unit. I haven't seen her in over a year. B.C. I used to spend every saturday with her. I've missed her sweet little old lady self. Years ago I decided when I get old that I'm gonna be a crotchety old fart. Her sweetness changes my mind. She's so precious. I might decide I want to be the sweet little old lady that teaches the young whipper snappers how to quilt. :) (By the way... she tells me that of all the people she's ever taught to quilt I pick it up very quickly and seem to be a natural)

SO, I had a wonderful day yesterday.

Ah, The Stuff of Saturdays

I'm up way too early this morning.

The little one has become the family alarm clock. She got up about 30 minutes ago. She doesn't understand the concept of moving quietly through the house. She comes out both lungs blaring, "Come here Churchy... Come here Mishka!!" She summons the hounds first thing for a little saturday morning lovin'.

Within 5 minutes the big one stumbled out begging for waffles.

I've managed to make it from my bed to my easy chair (so, basically 2 feet). This is the last sliver of peace I'll have today. After all, it's saturday.

Once upon a time I knew saturday as a restful day. It was the day to lounge about in pajamas, watch cartoons and eat lots of sugary cereal. Those were the days.

Now my saturdays begin with "Stef, Are we going anywhere?". So far in the short period of time since we've all been awake I've heard that question twice. The only reason I haven't been asked it directly is because they don't know I'm awake.

My saturday role is cruise director. My job is to keep them entertained/ not bored all day. The only thing the job pays is the occasional exceptionally good photo.

I've been found out. I've now heard the question.

So now I begin the process. Whatever will we do? Wherever will we go? I think I'm actually gonna be kind and take them to the Children's museum in town. First though... I must eat some sugary cereal.

Happyless Friday

So... today has been a bummer so far. My boss got a call from her friend. Her friend is putting down her cat this morning and needed some back-up. So sad. My coworker came in and told us about an article written by an 18 year old about his father who was killed in an accident. It was tearful. Then we got on a conversation about my boss' arm. She broke it this summer and she's frustrated this morning because she's suffered a small set back in her recovery process.

Isn't friday for partying?

Who authorized the sadness of this 28th day of August?

Won't someone please bring on the happy?

Oh... and... this morning I was talking to my cat, Boo. (Pictured below)

I sometimes call him May-yip because that is what he sounds like on occasion when he speaks. Anyway... my husband asked if I was calling him "maggot". He went on to say since he's white he looks like one. Hubby guy hates this cat already. He didn't need any more ammo against this positively precious white stack of cuteness.

Calgon, take me away!

I Have A Sneaky Feeling

So... I woke up this morning to the oldest saying "Stef! Hey Stef!.." to which I groggily replied "What". (Don't even think about tagging me a bad mom for not being up.. we have a system in our house) She went on to say that Scott told her she could pack her own lunch. She has been wanting to do this for a long time. She has assured me on a number of occasions that she's quite good at packing her own lunch. Apparently I was wise not to believe her.

So.... this morning she went on to tell me she had packed a good lunch, complete with healthy things too. I decided I needed a good laugh to start my day so I asked what she had packed. Are you ready for this? She had packed chocolate milk, a fruit roll-up, peaches and some chips. I was perplexed so I sat up. I then asked what she was planning to take as "actual food". I stumbled upon the real reason she was waking me up. That's when in happened. She said the funniest thing I had heard today at the time. She asked, "Can I warm up some Ramen and put it in my thermostat?" OY!

A. Her "thermostat" isn't that big.

B. Can Ramen be construed as actual food?

C. This conversation was happening about 5 minutes before her bus was to arrive. That's not really enough time to make a good bowl of Ramen (as I am the expert and I know these things).

So.... when I shot down her idea of the perfect lunch I told her she needed to make a sandwich. She asked if she could make a tuna sandwich. I said yes.

Little did I know..... the child who assured me she's made tuna tons of times really had never actually made tuna salad.

I found out when I got up (she was gone) that she had opened the can, added some mayo, mixed it up and sloshed it onto some bread. Apparently she asked Scott why it was so juicy. EWWW! That totally offends my delicate sensibilities. Moreover, the kitchen reeked of tuna.

I have a sneaky feeling that she dumped the "mushwich" in the trash at school and ran with her "healthy lunch" that she had packed before she asked for my input.

Lesson learned. I really need to me more intentional about teaching her how to do stuff in the kitchen. She's old enough to be semi responsible with food preparation. I'm guilty of taking too much care of my kids in this arena. I do for them instead of teaching them how. Bad, I know. I'm aware though. That's a start.

Be Afraid..... Be VERY afraid!

I've attempted on many occasions to explain the random associations that my brain makes. Just today my brain, out of the blue, associated the strangest thing.

One of my dogs is very weird about bone selection. She won't just go get a bone out of the doggie toy box. She waits around until one of the other dogs gets done with one or she just flat steals one right out of the jaws of one of the other dogs. Those are the only bones she's interested in.. ones covered in other dog spit. Yum, right?

My husband has a pen that I covet (Sorry, Lord.. I can't help myself :/) I write with it when I get a chance and put it back where I found it so as to avoid a run in with hubby guy over his good pen. I have a good pen at work that I love so I understand wanting to protect my good pen.

I was writing with my good pen today at work. I was wondering what kind of pen it is so I can go buy a gross of them and be set for life. I noticed that the tab of the pen top has been broken off. That made me start to consider if I got that pen new or if I stole it from someone. I don't generally break off the tabs of my pen tops. I'm too pen OCD for that. Anyway.. I was thinking about my life history concerning pens. It occurred to me that most of the good pens I've ever had in my lifetime were indeed stolen. I picked them up to write with them and instantly developed a pen crush and I just couldn't put them down.

Work with me here... it WAS because the pens wrote well. BUT.... my brain today thought this thought.... "I wonder if someone chewed off that pen tab and this pen is stolen! Does that mean I prefer the "spitty" pens of others better than fresh undefiled one's out of the box?" Really, what's wrong with me? I really do think my good pen isn't stolen. I have fuzzy memories of accidentally breaking off the tab.

Still... my brain went from thisto this

in an instant! I'm crazy.... I know. I can't help it :)

Real Friends

So this evening my friend and I went walking. She is the friend that I was so very ticked off at on sunday. We have reconciled. The truth is that I got over being mad at her. We apologized and now we're back in each other's good graces.

Now If I could just get my oldest to understand the nature of true friendship. Unfortunately she's very tossed about socially. She's very easily sucked into drama. Her BFF is a different person every day. I would HATE that. I prefer mature friendships. I like having the "through thick and thin" kind of friends. My oldest knows lots of people but she really doesn't have any real friends. That's sad.

Mourning the Playground

In some ways life was simpler when I was young. Back then you just sat in the swing next to someone and started talking. Either that or a random conversation on the monkey bars spurred a fantastic friendship. When I was in 4th grade there was a new girl who followed/ stalked me on the playground for about a week. When I finally gave up and stopped being wierded out by her persistence we became best friends. We were inseparable for years.

As an adult, for some reason, it's easy to be convinced that it's not that easy. I guess we're just more guarded. Tonight I got together with a person who I've been aware of for about 2 years. We go to church together. She just seemed really sweet and really neat to me. We decided to get together and chat. I had so much fun. I could just kick myself for not getting to know her sooner. I was right. She is sweet and really neat. And... It really was every bit as easy to befriend her as it was to make a friend when I was a child. I hope that I have the opportunity to get to know her more.

I think I've written before about the concept of "Secret Friends". I didn't come up with the word for it. A girl I once knew actually named it. It's so perfect. A "secret friend" is a person who you just know that if they knew you and you knew them you'd be tight friends. Most of the time "secret friends" are people that don't know you even exist. Example: Beth Moore and I are "secret friends". This sweet person I met with tonight was a "secret friend". We did know each other existed, but our lives just don't intersect outside of worship service at church. We'll have a change that. She's no longer a secret friend.

Ack!

Ack!!! I'm annoyed. Just thought I'd let the blogosphere know that I'm horribly annoyed this very minute!!!! A friend decided to have an inconsistent moment and MY children got the short end of the stick. Mama Bear is riled up and has her teeth bared. I had to come home ASAP. When we got home hubby guy said.... "did we really have to leave early because".. and I interjected "because I'm ticked off at ****! Yes!". I hate it because I LOVE her very, very, very, very much. She is a dear friend. She just doesn't get what she did and of course she wasn't bothered because it didn't impact HER children. The truth is that my children weren't bothered in the least. They had a fine time. I just really have a hard time with inconsistency. If you're gonna have a system, use it. Otherwise, junk it. Selective application drives me all the way up a tree and back down again. And.. once I get angry, I stew.

SCHOOL!!!!

The girls have now met their teachers. I think I like them.

I especially love the brave lady that the oldest has for math. She gives them her phone number and they are allowed to call her all the way until like 9:00 at night if they get stuck on homework!!!! She's my new favorite person ever! She is also more than willing to explain how she teaches things so us people that had 6th grade math more than a few years back can not be frustrated at home while helping with homework.

I like the Language Arts teacher for the oldest. She did say though that you can't be in her class if you don't like Pumpkin pie and coffee. I'm disqualified on both counts. It's a darn good thing I'm not in 6th grade and in need of a language arts class. :) I was a little bothered though that she gave us an additional list of school supplies that we"ll need to get before monday. I shopped early to avoid the maddness that happens just before school starts. So much for that :/

I really like the little one's first grade teacher. She's prissy and cute. She's also really personable. She was very approachable. She took time to help the little one unpack her school supplies and she chatted with her and they had a really sweet few minutes.

I got myself in a bit of trouble though. I approached the teacher before we left the classroom and let her know that I am not a PTA member but will happily help in the classroom after work if she needs me. The teacher was excited about that. BUT... the PTA membership drive lady was standing right there when I said it. I forgot she was that person or I wouldn't have said it. Anyway.... she got kinda huffy and excused herself. Oopsy! her daughter is in the same class AND they live a few houses up from us. I suppose I'm gonna have to explain to her my feelings about the PTA so she can at least understand where I'm coming from. I'm not a horrible person. I just have too many people (i.e. the big bad doorknobs that work for the state DSS office) contributing to how my life is lived. Thanks but no thanks. I can contribute to my child's school and classroom without being told how and when to do so.

So yay! School starts monday. I for one am excited.

WIERD

So today was the usual half-baked kinda conversation day in our office. Everyone is back gearing up for the semester and catching up on summer events, etc. Conversations tend to go off in odd directions. There was someone there visiting and for a moment the two of us ended up chatting. She told me that she had told my coworker that she believes I'm an undercover psychologist hired to keep my coworkers sane. How funny is that???? I'm a rather together person but that notion is really laughable! It was sweet though. It implied that perhaps I'm a sane person myself who has giftedness in the area of keeping others sane. They know me so little :)

Trauma

I have a kid with a brain like a steel trap. When she makes a decision it is final. The idea is stuck and not getting out. This is especially true when she decides something is going to hurt. I've never seen her swayed. I've never been able to talk her out of "her tree". Generally the way it goes is she makes her decision to believe whatever it is and then she spirals downward into a snot pouring meltdown. Meltdown phase involves all manner of irrational behavior.

This morning we had a meltdown. She had a band aid on her thumb. She was convinced it would hurt to remove it. I wasn't part of that conversation. She was told it would have to come off. She was also told to take a shower. I heard her through my bathroom wall start to cry. I asked what the issue was and hubby guy told me what was going on. The crying progressed. I went into the bathroom to find the shower running but the naked child standing in the middle of the bathroom floor wailing and holding her thumb up in the air. I assured her it would not hurt at all. Usually she takes my word on all things band aid because I've proven that I know what I'm talking about. On this occasion she was not interested in my wisdom. So... I ushered the wailing child into the shower. She refused to get under the running water so I helped which only caused more wailing. So... I got irritated and made an executive decision. I pulled her over and grabbed her thumb and took the band aid off. It only took about three seconds but she screamed like I was killing her. The band aid was already wet so it slid right off. It was all really ridiculous. It took forever for her to calm down.

I really hope this kid gets over that particular "ism". Her teen years might kill me. I should go ahead and get fitted for a straight jacket when she turns 13.

Life Objectified

When I deviate from my norm the world is opened to me. I'm sure you can relate that in your own life generally things are done the same way daily. Habits and patterns of behavior aren't easily changed. Last night I deviated from the norm and ended up outside. I felt very much like I had stepped outside of my reality. I was only in the backyard. I could see hubby guy sitting at the kitchen table. I could easily imagine myself inside curled up on the couch with a book. I knew the kids were floating around the neighborhood with various friends. Somehow, though, I felt detached from my life. The most common thought I have, given opportunity to think about it, is how big the world is. Several things come to mind when I think about how I live life. Among them are mouse in a maze, car on a track, and horse with blinders on. Why is it that so much comfort is derived from living in a pattern? When I step outside it I feel like I breathe easier. Perhaps it's a longing for change. Perhaps the whole phenomenon is a divinely inspired commercial "We interrupt your normal programmed life to bring you this important message: The world is BIG and there's lots to see and do and be a part of. Get off the couch and go do something." When it happens I'm always inspired. To what, I don't know. I'm inspired nonetheless.

It Hurts So Good

I must say.. there are some FUNNY people on this terrestrial ball! The blogosphere is the coolest place ever!!!! There are a couple of blogs that I follow that make me laugh so hard it hurts. My favorite thing ever is when I'm bored at work and decide to read blogs and I get the giggles but can't laugh out loud and give myself away. I look like I'm crying and my stomach starts to hurt really bad. But... I love the pain. Hysterical laughter is cathartic.

Mayo, Ice, Cat Food, Cash and Goofy Grins

I find random grocery lists intriguing. I especially love looking at what other people ahead of me are buying. I try not to stare. It's hard though. I think it's interesting too when people before me or after me are buying some of the exact same items. The express lane is the best lane in the store to play this game. I dare ya to try it. List off in your head the items the person in front of you in the express lane is buying and see if it doesn't make you laugh.

In totally unrelated news... but in keeping with the general subject (things that happen in my head), I had a funny thought today. My boss is up in Canada at a really cool rustic cabin on a lake. She has described it for me a few times. She has talked about how natural and beautiful it is. I was missing her presence today so I thought about sending her a random text. I was trying to formulate in my head something clever or funny to say. One of her favorite things to do is listen to the loons calling/squawking/hooting (whatever a loon does - she didn't elaborate on the actual sound) on the lake. I decided I would text "Hug a tree and kiss a loon for me". Then I got to giggling because in my head I was hearing "I will hug him and squeeze him and call him George - The way the Abominable Snowman said it from the Looney Tunes cartoon. I never did actually send the text. I had great fun passing people in the hallway on the way out to my car. There's no way in a million years that could have guessed what I was thinking. For whatever reason it made the moment funnier.

Instantly Unravelled

Last night the four of us went to a Foster care training session. The topic was one of interest. We like to go every now and again too because the girls get to play with other children who are in foster care.

We got there and found our seats. The room is shaped like an L with the entrance being the short part of the L. The tables then are arranged like a half square in the long part of the L. I chose to sit on the flat part of the square at the back wall.

Soon after I sat down my little one was standing on the inside of the square talking to me. All of the sudden I looked up and our first foster child was standing there in the middle of the square doe-eyed staring at me. I knew her instantly but she's grown so I felt like I needed verification. She wandered back toward the door because they called for the kids to go with the babysitter. I just kinda sat there in shock. I felt like I should say something but was unsure of what to say. We talk about her all the time to our current children. There are pictures of her in our house. The girls have always said they wanted to meet her. I got up and went over to where my two and she were standing. I said hello and asked if she remembered me. She said yes. I introduced her to my girls. It was weird. She still had a very real look of confusion on her face. The three of them then departed to go upstairs and play. It just so happened that those were the only three children there last night so the three of them played together for two hours. When they left the room I started crying. It ripped my insides out to see her again. I knew she had been placed back in foster care but it never occurred to me since they didn't place her with us a second time that I would ever see her again. There she was though and it ripped my heart out. Seeing her again made me realize how very much I love her and miss her. After the meeting when we went upstairs to get the kids, she had colored me a picture and wrote her name for me. All the way home the girls talked about how sweet she is and how beautiful she is, etc. It was awful. If you've never done foster care you won't understand this statement, but it feels just like seeing your dead kid alive again. I turned right around when we got home and hopped in my car and took off for my sweet friend's house. She cried with me and I felt lots better.

I sent the foster care coordinator an email last night. I felt bad for the kid. She's not old enough to understand why she left our house. She went to live with relatives but she expressed over and over that she wanted to stay with me. Seeing me again with new children had to be confusing and upsetting for her. I asked if the foster care coordinator would check on her to make sure she was ok after seeing us again. That little girl is super smart and I know she probably felt abandoned. I've wanted to see her again but not like that. UG!!!

I Love My Friends

I am blessed with wonderful friends. For the first time in 5 years I can say I have a handful of really great friends.

I was stricken with that notion tonight while I was out for a walk with one of them. Provided life clicks along without a whole lot of change, we can all be little old ladies together. It's gonna be fun.

A Good Night

Yesterday was a good day. We went to one of my favorite places for dinner (The Wood Grill Buffet). I ate such that I swore I'd never eat again. That's the only way to be when you eat there. It's so worth the agony of fullness!

After dinner we went to a free swim at the community pool. It was awesome because we were expecting everyone in the city to be there (duh, it's free!!). We were surprised and it wasn't crowded at all. The oldest could go down the water slides and off the diving boards over and over again without having to wait in line. The little one could dog paddle unprohibited-like across the 4 ft section (big business in the deep). To top it off, the temperature was awesome so Scott and I could sit and watch all the fun without having to fight the sun or wipe sweat from our persons. It was like a little swimming utopia.

After swimming we were invited out to the in-laws of their bio aunt's house (how's that for odd foster parenting relationships). See my post Really? Skee Ball? They're sweet people that live way out in the country. They were burning a brush pile so roasting weenies and making Smores was afoot. I personally don't know how the kids managed to stuff anymore food into their persons but they found room and packed it in. I refrained and just lazed in my chair sipping sweet tea (yum). We stayed out there until about 10:30. We stayed until the little one was begging to go home while publicly proclaiming her tiredness(awesome).

Last night under the stars I had one of those rare moments in life where I felt really fulfilled. My girls were fighting for turns sitting in my lap. The little one snuggled on her turns. The big one and I played nonsense word games on her turns (i.e. saying "Taco Bell.... that's where you go for a good burger, right?' or saying crazy stuff like in a valley girl accent 'I like SO love your frizzy hair and your yellow toenail'). The stars were out. The air was coolish. We had a fire. It was blissful and relaxing and I didn't wish for one other thing (except my hubby "Curmudgeon Boy" to be there too.. he was home watching baseball)

Today we're meeting up with one of their brothers and going roller skating. Here's to nothing broken!!