Really? Skee Ball?

Having foster to adopt children is a weird thing in a number of ways. Family dynamics is particularly odd. We have maintained a tie to both sides of their bio family. Pretty regularly I take my girls to visit people that they know from a part of their lives I wasn't a part of. It's cool because it's healthy for them. It's weird because I don't fit in. I always feel like I'm eavesdropping. They're just people. They're also people grateful to see the girls. It just feels odd for me. I really am painfully shy. New environments are very difficult for me. These people must think I'm such a snot. I hate that, but it is what it is.

I went a new place tonight. We went to their maternal aunt's in-law's house. They were really sweet and the kids had a blast. They live out in no man's land in an ancient tiny house with dead things mounted all over the walls. I spent most of the night staring back at a raccoon that was staring at me from the top of the entertainment center. Just above me was a mink. He didn't look happy. Behind me were 4 deer heads, one shot by each family member (Including the mother). Isn't that special? :) The people were wonderful, dinner was great, but I felt like city mouse gone to the country.

We've all been kinda crammed into each other's lives. Sometimes I feel like I'm part of a really sick psychological experiment. I feel like tapping on the one way glass. I haven't decided yet what I would say to the people watching all this unfold.

If you've ever played Skee Ball I'm sure you'll understand this analogy. When you first put your money into the machine there's a loud click and all the balls come rumbling down the chute. I feel like each chapter of this odd drama I'm living starts just like a game of Skee Ball. We get news, meet someone new, hear a different traumatic story from one of the girls, etc. I hear a loud click and another chapter rumbles down the chute. I don't know about you, but I've never been able to walk away with balls still in the chute. I have to play it out. This process is like that. So many people have said to me that they don't know how we do it. It's simple really. We roll one ball at a time. Sometimes we collect little orange tickets in heaven and sometimes we roll a zero. We continue to play though because that's what we signed up for when we walked up to the machine.