Binge & Purge

Have you heard those odd warm up sounds singers sometimes make? It makes me laugh. I'm tickled by the process. It reminds me somewhat of how I process emotionally. I take in and take in and take in and then all of the sudden piles of gobbledy gook flow from my brain. It's kind of like binging and purging. It has been pointed out to me on more than one occasion that I don't emote normally or near enough. The last couple of weeks have been a real roller coaster with our current foster situation. For whatever reason it's been really easy for me to observe my own process. The worst day of it I really needed to cry (like a real gully washer kind of cry). I couldn't get in touch with the person I found acceptable to cry with over the particular circumstance. So, like usual I stuffed it. That's the binge portion of my process. I take in all the emotional stuff and I completely stuff myself. Sometimes when I'm in that mode I add to it by watching sad movies or looking at old pictures that make me sad. I don't do it to make me worse. I do it thinking it will bring relief by forcing me to emote. It never does. I have actually wished that it were as easy as triggering my gag reflex to let it all go. Unfortunately, more often than not it's something completely non related that starts the emotional purge. Then people that are close to me are caught off guard because I say a bunch of non related and overthought things that make no sense (like the aformentioned warm up sounds). Fortunately I am blessed with a precious and priceless support system that endures my emotional wierdness.