Bittersweet

I need to take the opportunity here today to vent about something and share my heart on a topic.

Our first foster placement was the most precious little girl. We only had her a month but we bonded instantly and would have been the happiest family unit ever had we not been separated.

I was sad but ok about her being moved. She was moved to the home of an aunt and uncle that have known her since she was born. She wasn't going somewhere she didn't want to go.

6 weeks after we lost her we got the call about our current girls. Life took off from there.

A few months ago I got a call from a person (very long story) who was begging me to take our original kid back. She told me that she was being placed back into foster care. Hubby Guy and I talked about it and decided that if the agency offered her we would say yes. They never offered.

A couple months ago I posted here about having encountered her.

I don't think I've shared the newest tidbit. She's now in the same gymnastics class as my little one.

She's healthy and happy. I have no complaints. I just miss her.

So during that gymnastics class I find myself watching the first kid more than I do my current kid. This past Saturday was "viewing day". They actually let us in the gym and we don't have to hover in windows and doors to see. I got a front row seat. My first little one knows that I watch her. She likes it too because every time she does a trick she looks up to me to make sure I saw. She and I bonded over gymnastics when she was in our house. It was during gymnastics season and I was at the gym a lot. Hubby Guy would bring her there to see me. I would let her play on the mats, walk the beam, etc. She LOVED it.

Her new foster mom doesn't watch the class. That's all I'll say about that.

I've just never experienced a feeling like it before. I love a kid and feel like I can't have a relationship with her. It's TERRIBLE! I'm happy that I get to see her but it's really bittersweet.

I just needed to say that.