On Disordered Eating

I'm having a very transparent moment. If you can't handle raw truth concerning me, stop reading.

Throughout my life I've had an "ism". I have a very, very hard time eating in certain environments. When I was younger I really couldn't eat at all in public with the exception being in a restaurant with my family. Buffet lines/cafeterias were completely out of the question regardless of who I was with.

Fortunately I've gotten past the worst of the "ism". I still struggle though. I still just can't bring myself to eat in environments where I'm not completely comfortable. I come unglued. For instance.. The program I work for is having an event today. I was invited over for lunch. I just can't. It would take far too long to explain why. I can just tell you that the thought of going back over there for lunch makes me want to cry. Fortunately, I work for an amazing person who is gracious and aware of my "ism". She will understand if I don't come. No one else will even care that I'm not there. It's frustrating though to be an adult and have to deal with such a stupid "ism". It drives me nuts that I haven't completely overcome it.

I've been thinking lately about my "ism" because I've been faithfully working out again. It's strange what working out makes me think in my head. I spoke before about being "addicted" to exercise. The truth is that regular exercise rares the head of my "ism" as they are connected. I've really had to keep myself in check. I have those ugly thoughts of working out for 2 hours a day and eating precious little. I HAVE NOT acted on that. I'm just admitting that I've thought about it. The truth is that I don't have time to live like that at this phase of my life.

We all have our burdens. Now you know mine!