My Roots Are Showing

You may tire of hearing how conversations I've had with people were enlightening to me. To that I say: Deal with it.

I met a new friend last week. I was sharing with her about how I believe we are built for relationships. I believe that's where "Kingdom work" is accomplished. Our world feeds us a steady diet of busy, etc. It's super easy to not bother making connections with people. My belief is that we rob ourselves and rob others of God's healing by closing ourselves off from others.

My friend and I were sharing our lives with one another and quickly discovered a common need we have for feeling safe.

The last several months I've had a new favorite Bible verse:

Proverbs 18:10

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

10 The name of the Lord is a strong tower;
The righteous runs into it and is safe.

If you know me, you know I'm not an overly emotional person (or really emotional at all). I can't tell you the number of times in the past few weeks I have teared up when remembering that verse.

At the Beth Moore conference she shared about standing on grace. She described that further as standing in Christ/on the name of the Lord.  When she said that, Prov. 18:10 came to mind immediately. I'm stubborn (go ahead, chuckle if you know me). I am forever grateful that God doesn't wash His hands of me. Anyway, He started talking to me then about the roots of my safety issue.

In the continuing effort of trying to process what I heard that weekend, the issue of safety has come up. As I said before, I'm good at legalism. I know what that looks like. I find comfort in "following the law". I've been standing on "Good Girl". I'm proud of that. Striving for perfection has provided me with what felt to me like safety. As I'm getting used to my new lens of grace, and I'm seeing things more clearly, I'm realizing that all of that is a sham. Pastor Guy was talking this week about life's purpose. I realized I've been really off base at times in this. He used a similar verse but I'm feeling this one:

Ecclesiastes 2:11

Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)

11 When I considered all that I had accomplished and what I had labored to achieve, I found everything to be futile and a pursuit of the wind. There was nothing to be gained under the sun.

All of my striving for perfection is "pursuit of the wind". How sad it is for me to have to admit my folly. I think though, in admitting it I can stand in that truth and move forward in the right.

I was up in my head the other day turning over rocks as I was considering more carefully my need for safety and had a big realization . I turned over a boulder and was shocked to discover my biggest life pain hiding there. It is a big hairy creature that stalks my unconscious. Very few times have I admitted it's existence to myself. I have never shared it with another human. Though scary, for the first time I recognized it's tie to my need for safety.

I am ever aware of God's hand on my life and His constant drawing of my heart to Him. I will continue to follow, see where it leads me, and report back.