On Validation From Strange Places

Last week my youngest asked me why I wanted to be a foster parent. It struck me as an odd question. It seemed odd because I was her foster parent before I was her adoptive Mom. So, she was essentially asking what lead to her being mine. She's a thinker like me. Even with knowing that about her, the question caught me off-guard.

Whenever I've considered my goals for life through the years, there's one "goal" I've counted but never admitted. It has to do with my legacy. I've never actually crafted the text of it. The reason for that is mostly fear. You could say it's both my biggest fear and biggest secret. It's this: I'm afraid of turning out like my biological parents. I'll go on to say it's probably the saddest thing about my life. Aren't our parents supposed to be our role models and heroes? 

There are things my parents did right. They emphasized the importance of getting a quality education. They taught me responsibility. We ate meals together and went on great vacations together. Everything wasn't bad. Unfortunately, though, it's the things they did wrong that have impacted my life the most. I really hate that. Without completely airing our familial dirty laundry, I'll just say they epicly failed at healthy relationships. I was jettisoned from the fold feeling worthless and unloved. That is what I'm afraid of re-creating. It's a pattern I've planned all along to miss.  I just wish there were solid guarantees. When I open my mouth and my Mother comes out I cringe. When I choose my easy chair with a book over a bike ride with a kid I cringe. It was a whole lot easier to feel positive about that goal when I had no children.

Several times lately my little one has said that she plans to adopt from foster care when she gets older. I've not known what to do with that. It's her experience. Of course, she would want to repeat it. The more she brings it up, though, I realize it's more than that. When we were talking last week I realized she wants to be like me.... and I smiled. 

The girls and I were in 7-11 on thursday and the lady at the register was marveling about how much the 3 of us look alike. The oldest just rolled her eyes and questioned why. We really do hear that all the time. The lady went on and on about how the apples didn't fall far from the tree, etc. I told her they are adopted and she about dropped her teeth. It was pretty funny. As we were leaving I asked them if they minded that I tell people sometimes that they are adopted. They said no. I told them I do that because I think our family is pretty cool. I wish I had a picture of the little one's face. It looked a lot like validation.