On Trashed Castles

Today I find myself grateful. I'm grateful that God doesn't just decide to be sick to death of me and just wash His hands of me and all of my odd notions. The truth is, instead of walking away, He died for me. I am full of awe.

Here's another quote from the book I'm reading: (I highly recommend it, by the way):

"When we view others as sinners rather than saints, we will demand that others work on their sin in order to have a relationship with us."

I recently shared with someone dear to me that since salvation I have been hard at work on a fortified castle. That castle has been my safe place (or my twisted idea of safe). The foundation of the castle is "the law". I set up camp there an have been toiling away building my "Good Girl" castle. I have operated, very legalistically, out of that castle for years. I have looked down on others, judged them, and kept most people at a very safe distance.

These last couple of weeks have been both terrifying and exciting. Lots of questions have come up. When I read that line a couple of days ago, it hit the side of my castle like a giant wrecking ball and knocked it over. Then God, kind of like King Kong (work with me here... I can't help the crazy imagery that happens in my head) picked me up in His giant hand and looked me in the eyeballs (with Love) and I've been waiting a couple of days for what He would say.

Not a very loving look, but you get the picture.

The first thing that came to mind was my precious square pegs people. Before God got all quiet and "stare-y", He made sure I was reminded of them. Very humbly I say, Ouch! I deserved that. I deserve His wrath. I deserve to be mashed into an oily spot on planet earth. What has been somewhat unnerving about this process is the Love with which He regards me. I've heard forever that God is Love. I think I'm finally starting to actually feel the warmth of it. The castle was a very cold place, fortified yet not insulated.

This afternoon, the verses below are what came to mind:

Hebrews 10:23

Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)

23 Let us hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.

Philippians 1:6

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

6 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

So, again, I feel grateful. I'm grateful that upon salvation He made me a new person. I'm excited to know that He is maturing me into that person (words from the book, not mine). AND, I'm grateful that, even in my wretched castle, I'm dearly loved. I can't wait to see what dreams He has for me.