Upon further consideration, I realized that the monster has done more than stalk my unconscious. He had stealthily overtaken how I see most everything. He had become the lens through which I see the world as it pertains to me. I sat there the other day shaken to the core with tears in my eyes. I realized I needed to hatch a plan to slay the monster.
Armed, for the first time, with the name of the monster, I feel like I have a starting place on the journey to slaying Him.
With a quickness... I realized where the affects of the monster are felt most in my life. "What I believe about myself" is a battleground I believe he conquered a long, long time ago. For years I have walked through life with "me defined". I believed I knew myself well. I think that's why all of this has been such a shock to my system. For years I've explained away things that didn't make sense or felt wrong as "just who God made me". The very sad and unfortunate part is I was wrong. Those things that I never could explain were who the monster made me....not God.
I've been studying this week about who God says I am. Here's the song that has been stuck in my head ( it has big, hairy monster guts all over it!):
Hello, My Name Is
I find it supremely scary that I could be so off-base in my understanding of myself. I'm so excited about exploring the other side of the equation. It has seemed forever like the things I find myself passionate about aren't in keeping with who I am or my personality. Now that I'm realizing I was hijacked all that time, I feel like I can explore with fresh eyes those things that I had considered crazy thoughts before.
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