That Feeling

Have you ever gotten that feeling that you may have hurt someone's feelings without meaning to?

I totally have that feeling.

Last night I was chatting on Facebook. The person I was chatting with made a comment. I commented back without thinking.

My best friend in the whole wide world is probably laughing right about now when she reads this. She is SO AWARE of what happens when I don't take a moment to process before I speak. I have a directness on occasion that isn't well received. It's especially bad when I'm writing or text/chatting. I'm way braver on paper/in type than I am in person. In person I really am a weenie most of the time. 

So anyway... the person I was chatting with is someone that has a decent grasp of who I am but doesn't really know ME.  That comment happened just as I was falling asleep in my chair and deciding to turn in. I said nite-nite and went on my merry way without waiting for her to say anything else.

SO.... this morning at 2:30am I got up for a potty break and I couldn't go back to sleep. It was guilt... I'm pretty sure. I didn't think anything of my comment at the time. I started thinking, though, about my history with that particular person and the heavy curtain of doubt fell on me. Have I done it again? I can't believe myself.

Sometimes I think perhaps I should join one of those silent convent-type places. I'll speak only to God in my head and keep my mouth shut and fingers still. That way I'll keep myself out of the fine messes I seem to easily get myself into.

When it comes to developing friendships for myself I feel like one of those truly dreadful chick flick characters that is just a "hot-mess" and only gets by because of the people in life who truly love her despite herself.