My Oldest Child's Life=Chaos

As a person who appreciates order, I do not understand how my oldest makes it from day to day. She literally would forget her head if it weren't attached. She got very frustrated with me today when I refused to bring to school the yearbook she forgot. It was the ONLY THING she had to take back with her this morning. She had no backpack, no homework, nothing. She was aware she needed it. She was excited about yearbook signing day. Yet.... she left it at home.

I hate being a big booger. I really wanted to take her the yearbook. I called my husband (because he's in charge of getting her up and out in the am) to find out how her morning went. He reported to me that she had trouble getting up and had a horrible attitude all morning. She was mouthy and had trouble getting out the door on time. So, my decision was to not take the yearbook. She called again later to see if I was going to bring her book. I informed her of the decision to not bring the book and the reasons why. She just growled. She knows though. I REFUSE to fail her by not teaching her responsibility.

I spend lots of time trying to figure out what direction to go with her. She is naturally VERY ditzy. The blonde jokes were written before her time but very much apply. She is who she is. I don't want her to be something she's not. I don't believe, though, that her blondeness is a reason to be irresponsible.

She reveres her bio mom. Part of me thinks her ditzyness is her trying to identify with her bio mom. I have witnessed actual intelligence from the child. This is in direct opposition to what I've witnessed from her mother. Her mother acts oblivious. She hasn't taken once stitch of responsibility for losing her children. She believes she's being picked on by the state. EVERYTHING to her is someone else's problem. She's not responsible for anything. After losing her children more than a year ago she still is depending on other people for her own daily well being. She believes 100% that all she has to do is get before the right judge and she will be found innocent and get her kids back. It's all about other people and has nothing to do with her. That is exactly how my child acts. She is better than she was when she first came to live with us. Still though... when I have an opportunity to talk with her about what happened this morning I already know what she'll say. She'll say that my husband is overly sensitive. She'll say she didn't have a bad attitude. It'll all be about what HE did wrong. It won't have anything to do with her. I'm certain that she will say it was completely his fault that she forgot her yearbook. Her day will have been ruined because of him.

It seems to me that at no point does she actually think about what all she needs to accomplish. She really does just float through her day and depend on others to tell her what's next. It's positively annoying. It's also really scary. She can't expect to become a successful person without being able to take responsibility.