The visit was uneventful. The case worker had fun visiting with the youngest. The oldest got mad because I banished her from the trampoline for the day for directly going against my wishes regarding what she was allowed to do on the trampoline because of an injury she got a couple days ago at school that left her with a pinky three times it's normal size. (Love run ons?) She went to her room and sulked the rest of the time the worker was there.
The worker and I had a quick conversation while the girls were outside bouncing. Again, I'm astonished at how clueless this worker is about permanency in the minds of my children. The girls have permanency in her head and she doesn't get why the oldest is so insistent that the adoption be over with. She doesn't seem to get that the children woke up one morning members of the family they were born into and picked up from school by people they didn't know and taken to live with more people they didn't know. They never went home again. She doesn't seem to get that they don't really understand the way us adults do why exactly they were taken. In fact, her mother told her during a visit that they were kidnapped by the state for no reason and are being held prisoners and that she was fighting to get them back. She doesn't seem to get why the children believe that if they can be taken from their family for no good reason (in their heads) once that it could probably happen a second time. The oldest has stopped asking questions like "If you get in a car crash will they take us away?" but I'm not convinced that she believes my answers. I don't think she gets the stigma associated with foster children where their peers are concerned. I don't think she gets how badly the children want to be legally part of a family where they are safe and belong. Right now they're in limbo. They know they aren't legally ours. Their parents are still out there wanting. For more than a year now my husband and I have been "foster" mom and dad. The notion they might go home was drilled into them for more than a year by the case worker. The same case worker talking to them once and saying "ok, now you're probably staying where you are forever but that's not 100%" does not establish permanency for them. They need real permanency. They want our name. That will do so much for them. They need closure. The case worker completely misses all of this. You should have seen her face when I told her the oldest asks about adoption every day. She said "Why?! They have permanency. They aren't going anywhere." To that I say OY!!! Who are these clueless people that work for the state? Haven't they been trained. I feel like they need a degree in child psychology. It would help them understand.
Here's her first lesson: According to Merriam-Webster - (I'm pretty sure that the phrase "but it's not 100%" would destroy any notion of permanency. How about you?)
- Main Entry:
- 1per·ma·nent
- Pronunciation:
- \-nənt\
- Function:
- adjective
- Etymology:
- Middle English, from Anglo-French parmanant, from Latin permanent-, permanens, present participle of permanēre to endure, from per- throughout + manēre to remain — more at per-, mansion
- Date:
- 15th century
— per·ma·nent·ly adverb
— per·ma·nent·ness noun
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