WHY?

My heart is heavy this morning.

My kid is friends with a kid a couple houses up from us. She has a very unfortunate life. Her mom has been married several times. She has 4 children from 3 dads. Her current husband mistreats the oldest one who happens to be friends with my kid. There's a current custody battle between her mother who she lives with and her father who wants to get her away from that horrible man her mother is married to. Her father is no gem either but at least he doesn't mistreat her.

I have encouraged the kid to tell an adult what happens at home. I would call the abuse hotline except I've never actually seen marks. She doesn't tell me anything that happens either. She just tells my kid. Hubby Guy and I have told her she is welcome to be at our house whenever and she can come there if she needs a safe place or needs to escape.

This morning it's 19° outside. On my way out of the neighborhood (20 minutes after the middle school started) I passed her walking to school. The middle school isn't that far but it's too far for a frigid morning. I know for certain at least one adult was at her house. I picked her up and drove her to school. The look on her face broke my heart. I could tell she didn't want to talk about it but that something had definitely happened.

She is a kid who if I could I would take in and raise myself. It's so sad that her future is basically set because of her circumstances. She's on course to end up just like her mother. It's hard to watch. The laws aren't on the side of kids like her. There isn't enough evidence to get her removed from the home but she needs to be. It took 2 years of documented evidence to get my kids removed from their prior circumstance. That is insane. I get that the laws are written so that it gives parents the benefit of the doubt, but how much is too much?

Circle, triangle, square, squiggle.

The other day a friend of mine gave me a personality "pop quiz". Apparently the aforementioned shapes represent some kind of personality indicators when ranked by the taker of the quiz.

I picked triangle as my number 1. I really preferred the squiggle but was afraid of what that may say about me. (Yes, I even analyze what answers may mean on personality tests.... I can't help myself) Apparently I passed. She thought I might say triangle. She didn't tell me what it meant but instead just gave a knowing nod and a confirmation that she thought correctly about me. She did say, however, that the squiggle represents a very artsy type of person. Since that was my real answer I say that was the real result.

Here's the thing. I'm only artsy when I'm alone or in the presence of those closest, closest, closest to me (i.e myself, husband, children, and pets). I often thought it a shame that I fail so miserably and channeling that side of myself into something more productive or lucrative. I'm guessing the triangle means rigid and awkward interpersonally. I'm gonna have to try to find that actual test someplace to put myself at ease. Anyway... I come off so differently to people than I actually feel inside. I was talking about the day I interviewed yesterday with the boss. The thing I remember about that day is that I felt happy and confident. She admitted that she didn't ask me a question because when I walked in I looked scared. That was so disappointing to hear! WHY PEOPLE??? Why can't my outside personality match my inside personality. ANGST! I feeling ANGST!!

Fortunately the boss is also a friend and the very same person who tested me with shapes. I'm pretty sure she likes me in spite of my awkwardness.

Two for the Price of One

Two posts in one morning?! I know... I'm just bored and skipping around in my head.

I'm often humored by the first song that pops into my head each day. My brain generally wakes up in the shower. It's there that the first tune of the day plays intercranially.
Often that tune gets new lyrics. This is probably way more than you need to know about me, BUT more often than not, the lyrics are sung (again... in my head) by our pets.

This morning's tune was from that Coke commercial of late. I don't know the name of it but it's the one that says "I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony." Anyway... the family pets wrote a pretty cool song about "keeping us company". You should've been there! It was awesome!

The Process

Today is our last adoption home study visit. Yippee! The girls have now been with us for almost 2 years (2/29/08). We'll finally be rid of state employees who like to tell people how to live. No more DOORKNOBS!!!!

What's really awesome is that today while we're meeting with our final case worker, across town another family will be signing adoption placement orders for the brother that's between our girls. The two littlest brothers are already adopted. Now all 5 children are officially safe and on to better lives. There is one sibling left that is just only a few months old that is still in the custody of her mother. If you're a praying person lift her up. We're all scared for her.

It's odd. As excited as I am today, it feels rather anticlimactic. The past two years have been a roller coaster. Now that there's no fear of losing them, the milestones aren't as much of a big deal. You may not can understand that sentiment. That's ok. I am very much looking forward to the day when I get a phone call from the lawyer that they are legally ours. That will be a BIG DEAL! We will celebrate our family birthday on 2/28, but we'll celebrate again on whatever day that ends up being. In years to come we'll likely commemorate 2/28 but actually celebrate on the legal birthday of our family.

I can't wait to post a picture!

On Boring Realizations..

One good thing about living in the south.... (and there are plenty)

Sure, it gets really hot. BUT.... women in the south stay younger looking because their skin stays moist. (Really! I'm not kiddin'. I learned that in college)

I live in Virginia now. Anything outside the SEC I don't consider truly southern. There are parts of southern VA that fit the bill customs-wise as being authentically southern. The weather, however, spoils it.

Unfortunately, I don't live in the southern part of VA. I live way too close to D.C. which is decidedly yankee territory. You can't even get sweet tea around there. You can where I am, but I think I live on the extreme northern border of sweet tea territory.

Anyway, back to the skin thing.... I forgot to moisturize my face this morning. I can totally tell. Isn't that pitiful?! I feel like I'm 150 years old. I'm longing for my days in the deep south where lotion was basically a smell good delivery system. Back then it didn't serve any other function (like keeping your person from feeling like sand paper).

Randomness...

Ok... so.... is it weird that I consider my brain to be numb? Honestly... I can't feel it. I know that during some parts of the year I can rub a few brain cells together and come up with some pretty good thoughts. Anymore.... I got nothin'!

I've never been accused of being stupid/intellectually challenged. I sure feel that way currently. I am a person that likes for all parts of my life to be in order and they just aren't.

The Pastor Guy was talking this morning about affluence and what the Bible says about having "much". I was thinking about what I have personally. That made me start thinking about what I give back. I decided that it's worth my house being in a shambles for a few months to invest in the lives of the 20 teenagers that participate in gymnastics at the high school.

Here's a funny for ya: This is my cat Boo. He likes to stick his tongue out.














He got it from our dog Wiley.

One Last Thing...

I'm sorry that I've been a blog slacker. Gymnastics season always throws me for a loop. When I'm home I don't feel like doing anything but sitting around. My house is full of mounds of laundry and inches of filth. The team is doing FANTASTIC though and Hubby Guy hasn't killed the kids yet so all is well.

I told you all the good parts of the cruise itself. I haven't, however, shared with you the deep, insightful moment I had. I wish I had written about it earlier. I will try my hardest to relate to you how cool it was.I feel like I need to provide some sort of a visual to help you understand what I'm about to describe. I shared this picture with you before. In this picture you see the reflection in the glass of us and what's behind us. You can also see lights on the riverbanks outside.

I talked before about our favorite place on the boat being the "Galaxy of the Stars". We ended up there a lot in the evenings for different entertainment type activities. My staying power usually outlasted Hubby Guy's because it was during the New Years football playoffs. Had he gotten exactly what he wanted he would have sat in the room watching football for the entire cruise. He's a good guy though and didn't take me on a cruise for our anniversary to abandon me to football. Anyway.... I quite enjoyed all the hullabaloo and loud music and lights, etc. of the evening entertainment in "The Galaxy". One night toward the end of the cruise I found myself there alone. I wandered to the front (which was in the same room but separated by a glass wall). It was deserted up there so I was basically alone but essentially still in the same room as all the activity.

It was a full moon (or close to it). I leaned really close to the window and watched it for a little bit. When I got tired of staring at the moon I pulled back from the window a little and saw the coolest thing. My body blocked all the color and lights reflecting in the glass from the activity behind me. In the shape of my body I could see outside (the full moon reflecting on the water) and outside my shape were all the colors and lights and activity. I stared at it for a long time. Imagine the picture above but with a dark spot in the middle and ill defined bright colored lights and a disco ball spinning around in the background. You should be able to get the gist of it. I'm sorry I can't describe it better.

I had several thoughts while I was standing there. The moment was so perfect. Here's the thought that stuck with me. I likened it to "the inner vs outer life" of a person. The truth of me is that I'm kinda boring in public. I'm not a partier. I'm socially awkward. I melt into the walls when I'm in a big group of people. On the inside though... I'm funny, social, animated and creative, etc. When I looked into that window I saw both sides of me. I saw the way I generally present but I could also see what I carry around inside. It was kinda cool and sad at the same time.

It also seemed to me like a decent descriptor for depression. I don't personally suffer from it but know and have known people who do.

Another thought that stuck with me was that it seemed like a fantastic picture of a centered/focused life. It represented for me the notion that life gets crazy with schedules and responsibilities, etc. A centered/focused life allows a person to maintain their heading despite all that swirls around them.

At the time I had several more thoughts. I don't remember them now weeks later. I had a blast, though, standing there taking it in and thinking through all the things what I was seeing could represent.

I know.... I'm a nerd. I just can't help myself.

If there are whitecaps in your toilet...8

After every port day they had a "Sail Away" party. This picture was taken of our "sail away" from Cozumel. The last day on the ship was a day at sea. It was nice to have that day to pack and rest before having to get off the boat.

This little monkey was the only other towel animal that they made for us. Word on the ship was that some cabin stewards made all kinds of stuff and some just made a couple. This monkey was awesome. He even had his little tongue stuck out! We loved him and left him hanging there for a couple of days. We noticed some other people left theirs up too.

We both positively loved the experience. We decided that next time we definitely want to take the girls. They would have had a blast! They had lots of stuff for kids to do. We also decided that going just the two of us was awesome but now that we've had the experience it would be nice to go with other people that we know. It would definitely enrich the experience.

If there are whitecaps in your toilet ...7

Our last port of call was Cozumel, Mexico. It was my favorite port.

We had booked a shore excursion to the beach. They took us to a beach resort. It was really nice. It was also really crowded. I didn't let that steal my joy though. It's where I finally got to sit by the pretty water. I was disappointed because as I discussed before.. I was very badly sunburned. I took every measure possible to stay out of the sun.

Here are some pictures of the experience. Note the pretty water and all the fun things to do.



Even though I was sunburned I did get my picture taken whilst in the water. So did Scott. He hates the beach. I have never actually known him to put his feet in the water until this trip.



A favorite part of ours was the photo guy wandering around. He put creatures on people and took their pictures with them/it. He would then go and print and frame the pictures and bring them back by to sell to the people. The pictures turned out really nice. If I weren't so sunburned I totally would have done it. The pictures were expensive but not expensive enough to make me not want it had it turned out good. Fortunately he didn't approach us. Scott did take pictures of the creatures and the photo guy though.



After the beach trip we had an opportunity to shop (of course). Cozumel had the most shops by far. We did lots of walking. It was a nice clean area though. Scott was also loving seeing the old school convertible VW Bugs. We were amazed at the guys making name bracelets. In less than 5 minutes they would make a bracelet with any name on it. We had this guy make one for the girl's brother. He was actually making Anakin's bracelet in this picture.

Pause

I do have two more days of the cruise to talk about. I just needed to take a break.

One of my gymnasts lost her dad on saturday. It's profoundly sad. Sometimes the suddenness of things takes my breath away. At practice this afternoon we were watching the video from the meet on saturday (we were up near D.C.). I got really emotional (and am now crying again) at the notion that while Emily was competing and having a good time with the team her dad was taking his last breaths. She's just 17 years old. She has 3 more siblings, the youngest of which is 11. I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around their loss.

If you think about it pray for the Gordon family. Fortunately they have a large community of family and friends who are there for them. It's just terribly sad. My heart is broken for that sweet girl and her family.

If there are white caps in your toilet...6

The next port of call was Belize City, Belize. That day was an interesting experience. There is one of the largest natural barrier reefs there. The ships had to anchor pretty far off shore. "Tender boats" came out and picked us up to take us to shore. I had never heard the term "tender boat" before. According to my research they are called that because they are "vessel attendants" or they "tend to" the needs of the ship. Usually these boats are carried by the ship itself. In our case the cruise line contracts with local "tender" companies to provide the service. It's much quicker because of the number of boats available.

There were 5 ships anchored off shore the day we were in Belize. It was pretty cool to check out all the other boats. The last one to arrive was European. The picture on the upper left is the tender dock just below our cabin. We were on the 10th floor and the tender dock was on the 3rd floor. We had fun watching the boats load and take off. We didn't have a shore excursion booked that day so we had to get a tender ticket and wait until our group was called to go ashore. That way we didn't have to stand in a long line and wait. Note Hubby Guy's feet in the picture as he was taking a picture straight down. The balcony wall was glass so it didn't block the view of the water. I thought that was pretty cool. The picture on the right is of the tender boats flying out to the boats to pick up people. Like I said, there were 5 ships. We all got there pretty close to the same time. When the tender boats started coming out from the shore it kinda looked like we were being invaded. Check out, too, how far away shore was. I'd love to know how many miles out we were.

We did some shopping while in Belize. Mostly though we sat in an open air restaurant that the ship people raved about. The food was good. Come to find out, the place was opened by a girl from Atlanta. It was another marketing/kick back situation. But.. I don't mind because eating in foreign places is scary to me. When you eat or shop at a ship recommended place it has a guarantee on it. We could be certain that by eating there we weren't eating cat or anything else odd. Unfortunately the picture of me doesn't really capture the nuclear glow I was emitting that day. We tried as best we could to keep me in the shade. Sun touching my skin was akin to being lit on fire. The Wet Lizard was where we were. It was cool because it was nicely shaded and it was also upstairs. It offered really nice views of the area. I included the picture of the Coke because of the label. Everywhere we went had Coke Light instead of Diet Coke. I heard a guy in Cozumel explain why. Apparently it has to do with perception. People in that area of the world are offended by the word "diet" or something like that. We got a kick out of it.
You may have noticed by now that Hubby Guy always has the same annoyed expression on his face. He doesn't love to have his picture taken. He has learned, however, that if you sit still it'll be over quickly. Honestly, at this point if he ever actually smiled it would creep me out. I quite love his sour expression. It makes me laugh.

Here are some pictures taken from where we were sitting upstairs.



One thing we couldn't help but notice was how beautiful the children were in that part of the world. We wished that we had a picture of the painter's daughter in Guatemala. She was a cutie. Something we noticed a lot was that often children were at work with their parents. My thought is that likely they are learning the family trade so they eventually will have a job too. This little girl was riding the tender boat. I couldn't decide which person she belonged to. She either belonged to the woman at the pier who was helping load the boat or she belonged to the driver. They may even be a family. I wasn't sure. What I was sure about was that she is a beautiful little girl. She reminded me a little of Esther. (Our first foster child)


Aboard a cruise ship you get really spolied. You have cabin attendants that come into your room twice a day and tidy up/make the bed/bring you ice, etc. They're pretty stealthy too. They take care of business at times of day when you aren't around. I don't remember what evening it was but this is the first towel creature they made us. I think it's a seal. I'm pretty sure it was after the first port day. I remember hoping every evening there would be a different animal. There wasn't but it gave me something to look forward to.

One last thing I'll mention today is our interaction with our own children who were staying with the adoptive family of one of their brothers. They still feel some trepidation when they're away from us. The older one I'm pretty sure lives with some fear that she'll be taken away again. I don't know if that will ever go away for her. So... I emailed her every day. I gotta say. She is a funny kid. She was so excited about getting to stay with her brother. For he is a horribly spoiled little creature and she was looking forward to cashing in and playing with all of his cool toys. She has now seen the light. Apparently adapting to the rules of another household was too much for her. She ended the first and every consecutive email with "The thrill is gone!!!" An added little perk of this trip was that the girls were able to get some perspective about living with us. I think they are both more grateful for how we run our house. I'm pretty sure they appreciate our laid back lifestyle and lack of ridiculous, stifling rules that only serve to make life unpleasant.

Hubby Guy and I decided that when we cruise next time (and there DEFINITELY will be a next time) that we will take the rugrats with us. It was great to be alone, but they would have thoroughly enjoyed themselves.

If there are white caps in your toilet...5

Day four started out fantastic but ultimately was a very unfortunate day.

Our second port day was in Santo Thomas De Castilla, Guatemala. That country is in turmoil and the port is a work in progress. We were told not to wander very far from the ship dock unless we were going on a shore excursion because it was unsafe. The ship dock area was tiny. The only thing there was a big flea market type of building and a place for the shore excursion buses to park. We did take the opportunity to get off the boat and check out what was inside the building. Honestly I thought it was pretty cool. They had a local band playing xylophone music. We sat and listened for a while. There was a guy there painting pictures. It was fun to watch him. That port was also the most difficult because you had to barter to buy stuff. That notion scared the snot out of me. The vendors were also really aggressive when trying to get you to buy stuff from them. Several vendors had the exact same stuff. We did ultimately spend a lot of money there. It was intense though.

We had all day to sit there in port and after shopping we decided it would be a day to lounge outdoors while there were even fewer people on the ship. Hubby Guy grabbed a Chemistry book and headed for his scoped out spot. I suited up and took my Christmas present (iPod touch) outside. It was then that I made a very bad error in judgment. It didn't occur to me that I was much closer to the equator (therefore the sun) and that it wouldn't take long to singe my person. So after I came in (after being out WAY TOO LONG) I realized the error of my ways. Unfortunately at that point the damage had been done. Hubby Guy's joke he likes to tell about that day is that Guatemalan Lobster was on the menu that night so the ship's chefs chased me all over the boat for the rest of the day. Let me tell ya... death at that point seemed like a really nice out. Although I LOVED the color, with every passing minute I became more and more painful. I had to endure the agony for several hours until the ship was at sea so they would open up the Duty Free shop were pain medicine was available for purchase.

That night we took in a show by a pair that used to be in a Cirque do Soleil show. I LOVE Cirque and I LOVE acrobats so it was a nice distraction from my dire circumstances.

It was a rough night. I managed to power through though.

Funny aside: I chose a sweet spot at the back of the boat where there was practically no one to do my lounging in the sun. It was the same spot you saw the picture of yesterday where I took the picture of Hubby Guy and I sittin' around. It just so happens it is also the ship's helipad in case they would need to take someone off the boat while at sea. Later in the week we went down to the place of the ship where you can see the captain and all the ship driving instruments. I looked up and noticed at the safety guy's desk that there is a video camera trained 24/7 on the exact spot where I was lounging. Lesson # whatever: If you choose to lounge on the helipad the captain and crew can see your hiney.

It is now 9 days post poor judgment and my skin is still trying to recover. I ended up with pretty serious sun poisoning. My lips look like a jungle beast chewed on them. I have really bad fever blisters over almost the entire surface of my lips. I'm peeling all over my body. It's a darn good thing that I was wearing a really modest suit. Had I not been I can't even imagine the horror. The burn was deep enough that underneath the skin that's peeling is more burned skin. There's no telling how many times I'll peel. The worst spots have just barely started to peel. I'm afraid I may actually be scarred. We'll see.

Hubby Guy has been picking on me (but actually being half serious) that he's never taking me south again. We'll only vacation in the north and in the winter so I won't do this to myself again. Honestly though.... I HAVE learned my lesson. I won't ever do this to myself again. I missed out on so much because I was in pain and feeling awful for the last few days of the cruise. I really paid for my stupidity.

If there are white caps in your toilet... 4

On the second morning this is what greeted us. Hubby Guy (the only one up that early) caught some gorgeous pictures of sunrise. He knows that I love it when you can see sunbeams (Tyndall effect) so he took pictures whilst saying to me "If you'll drag yourself out of the bed you could see this beautiful sunrise." I vaguely remember him suggesting I should get up but I rolled back over and chose to enjoy the beautiful photos instead of the real thing.

Our first stop in a port was Costa Maya, Mexico. It was the first time I got to see the really pretty turquoise water. The pier there is really, really long (like 1/4 mile or 1/2 mile). It was really fun to watch all that happens to dock the ship. We watched from our bubble (of course). Here is a picture of the ship from standing in front of the orange building. As you can see, there was another ship there that day too. We got the inside parking spot.
Costa Maya was where we went to see the Mayan ruins. (The one the shore excursion guy recommended). The Yucatan Peninsula is eat up with Mayan ruins. There were ruins available to see at every port. We wanted to see the best option. We were impressed. We took LOTS of pictures. I'll post the highlights. The Kohunlich ruins are ruins of an entire Mayan city. We've seen ruins out west and they are generally just of a dwelling or a couple of dwellings. This was a city and we didn't even see all of it because we didn't have time on account of how long it took to ride inland on the bus (2 hours in and 2 hours back). We had to be back on the ship by a certain time. Anyway..

When we first got off the bus we encountered two dogs at the little potty stop place. One of them was just too cute. I started talking to her. I was eating the sack lunch that was provided so she was pretty interested in anything I had to say. I didn't give her anything to eat because I didn't know if the people there were keen on that. Well... Hubby Guy when he saw how cute she was went ahead and gave her most of his sandwich and some of his banana. Suffice it to say we made friends. She became our tour guide. She went wherever we went. We called her "Tour Dog" (original... I know). Anyway, here's a picture of the two of us.

This was the first building we saw. I forgot the name of it but the stairs were impressive. When you get to the top it opens up into several rooms.


At the top of the stairs you can see a door. As I went to walk through the door I saw this. There were very pretty plants and flowers all around.


Across the grassy lawn from that building was a building called the king's castle. I couldn't help but take a picture of "the king" sitting on his castle.


After a couple more buildings we walked up a big hill to visit the temple of the sun god. There were several huge carvings of faces. A couple of them were still colored with the original stain the Mayans used all those many years ago. After seeing several buildings I was amazed at how solid the construction was. I was curious what they used to stick the rocks together. Just before we got to the temple our tour guide (the guy, not the dog) stopped to show us a tree. It turns out they still harvest those trees from that area. They are the tree Chiclets gum is made from. Back in Mayan days they would mix the sap with rocks to use as cement to build with.



After the temple of the sun god we walked a bit through a bit of a jungle. There were all kinds of pretty plants along the way. Here's a hybiscus I was taken with. I took his picture from several angles but I like this one the best.


The last picture I have is of our real tour guide. His name is Manuel. He was AWESOME. He was very knowledgeable about the Mayan people. He is a proud descendant and that made him all the more believable. He was also very kind and funny. Here's a picture of him showing us some of his artwork. He is an artist on the side. He had several really cool paintings of Mayan stuff. If he had been selling his paintings I definitely would have bought one. He brought them just to show us though.


We got back to the ship in just enough time. By the time we set sail it was already dark. That night we took in a stage show in the main theater. We wandered around the ship for a little while and called it a night. And that was day 3.