On Learning How to Breathe

This past August our family went to Hawaii. We were there for 10 days. It's a place my Hubby Guy had on his bucket list. While we were there we made sure to do everything that was on any of our "lists" that could take place way, way, way, way out in the Pacific. My top priority was having Hawaiian Shaved Ice IN Hawaii. Simple..yes...but important to me. Don't judge.

Those who know me know that I married THE BEST Hubby Guy for me. He takes such good care of me. We enjoy our time together. We live a somewhat spoiled existence. We've been able to take some nice trips. It has seemed for several journeys now that snorkeling has come up. He has always wanted to go snorkeling. I have always balked at the idea. He also wants me to go whitewater rafting. Of that I am positively terrified. I'm scared of having an out-of-boat experience. Water really isn't my thing. I can manage lounging in a pool or in a boat in easy waters. That is about it.

Well, Hubby Guy decided that he would be snorkeling in Hawaii even if he had to go by himself. My guilt-o-meter couldn't stand that notion so I agreed to go. In fact, the whole family went. I spent literally days psyching myself up. Once we were there I took the lame "First-timers class" on the boat before I jumped in. The adventure started really rough. Firstly, the instructor told us to spray the special sauce into our masks so they wouldn't fog. I didn't have the patience to wait and wade through the people, etc. so I decided to go sans special sauce. Mistake.  Secondly, When I finally was in the water and away from the boat I decided to try the whole "snorkel concept - i.e. breathe with my face underwater."  I couldn't get myself to do it. Every time I stuck my face in the water and tried to breathe I sounded like I was ugly crying and trying to suck in air. It was crazy. I felt very panicky and I felt like every nerve was on end. Eventually the kid in my charge wanted to get back on the boat so we took a break. During the break I renewed my resolve to conquer the "snorkel concept". Before going back into the water I got some special sauce for my mask. I learned my lesson. I got back in the water and guess what.... I relaxed enough to get the hang of it. I was excited.

We ultimately went to a second snorkel site. My poor family had turned green after the first site. They decided to convalesce on the boat and forgo the second adventure. I, armed with my new skill of breathing with my face in the water, decided to go ahead and go alone.  THE COOLEST THING happened!!! I encountered a sea turtle. He swam right up to me.

For the last week I've felt like I did when I was trying to figure out how to breathe with my face in the water. I've felt somewhat panicky. I've been fighting the urge to just "get back on the boat" or, more appropriate for the moment, start rebuilding the castle. The notion of striving feels like part of my DNA. It feels wrong to just relax. I realized today, I need to relax and learn how to breathe. This whole living out of who God says I am is a new concept I'm tackling. Like any other new thing I will need to learn new skills. It's a change. BUT.... really cool stuff is waiting for me to learn the skill.  I'm excited.