Perspectives

Kutless wrote this song "Perspectives"

It feels like your life's crashing down all around you
Let me ask if it's really so bad
Look at the world in it's suffering
Can you honestly tell me that know one else could understand All the hurting inside
Why can't you see that freedom is sometimes simply another perspective away
Who could you be if your lens was changed for a moment, Would you still be the same
A young child looks through a great stained glass window Watching the people go by Everyone seems to be wearing a red coat His mother sees jackets in white
Now he can't understand why does she see it this way
Why can't you see that freedom is sometimes simply another perspective away
Who could you be if your lens was changed for a moment, Would you still be the same Yesterday, you really couldn't see, By changing your angle a new world would be
Revealed to your once blinded eyes by moving a few degrees
Why can't you see that freedom is sometimes simply another perspective away
Who could you be if your lens was changed for a moment, Would you still be the same

That song came to mind this morning. I was standing in my office (3rd floor in a building on a hill to start with). I was filing and looking out the window because of where I was standing. I was listening to a different band that writes very contemplative lyrics. Something about looking out on the world really helps me put things into perspective.

I was considering the drama going on with my biological family. It's insane. In times like this I am SO NOT RELATED!!!

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday about how sometimes a couple of days worth of calming sure can lend perspective to a situation and can really keep things from escalating and turning into unnecessary conflict.

This time of year especially I feel like we're pulled by tradition and a societally placed system of "what you're supposed to do". I don't know about you, but that system causes me stress. I can't help but think that it is at least responsible for part of the prevalence of seasonal affective disorder seen this time of year. I buck it with everything I have. We don't even have a Christmas tree this year. It wasn't worth it to me.

Here's my Christmas and New Year offering to you:

I wish you perspective. If I could I would grant everyone the gift of discernment as it pertains to all things holiday related. May you not be bound by any manner of societal system but instead be controlled by the realization that God is in control and is the greatest gift giver of all time.


Merry Christmas to ya and Happy New Year!

I Have To Brag

I am SO EXCITED!!!!

As some of you know, each year during the winter season I coach gymnastics at the local high school.

The hardest thing about coaching high school girls is the mental/emotional aspect of the sport.

Last night was our first meet of the season. I did NOT have high hopes as we've had a bit of a rough start and too many kids in the gym to be able to adequately focus and getting done what needed to get done.

Well..... WE WON!! FIRST PLACE TEAM!!!! (Last year's pic)
This is my 5th season with the team and that has happened exactly never. That was the first time in 5 years. AND... to sweeten the evening, one of the biggest headcases on the team (and also arguably the best on the team) qualified for Regionals in the All-Around. If you don't know anything about gymnastics, that's HUGE!!! The second best on the team came within a 1/2 point of doing the same thing. Another girl came within 2 points. This is AMAZING!!

So now we can relax into the season. We've established some momentum that should carry us pretty far. I feel like every season we're fighting for the top. We've gotten so stressed out over who we need to beat that it has sabotaged our performance. With that first place notch in our belt, we can shift focus and really "tear-it-up".

I laid in bed until 1:30 am because I was so excited and keyed up. I'm still pretty keyed up. I can't wait for practice tonight!

Don't You Wonder...

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if instead of just thinking the good stuff you think about doing that you actually do it? I wonder about that all the time. Life goes much differently in my head than it actually turns out.

Sometimes too I wish that friendships between women were as easy as friendships between men. Men just punch each other in the arm and say something like "I like Craftsman tools" and they are bonded for life. Women have to work through each others emotional layers/walls. Now, I do find some sport/interest in the process. I do want to know all the stuff that you find out through the process. I just hate that sometimes it's difficult to know exactly how to proceed. I liken it to putting together puzzle pieces. Sometimes you have to work intensely to find just the right fit. With women I think sometimes that it takes a while to find out which edges line up.

I have a friend. She never did fall into the category of secret friends (See the last paragraph of this post for definition). She's a person who, after being around her a lot, I wanted to get to know. I never would have known that had I not been around her repeatedly. She is really kind and genuine. She's a perfect mentor type person. I've learned so much from her just by being around her. Anyway... we are working on what I would call a friendship. It's complicated. I want to know her well. BUT... I feel like "the process" is taking forever. I'm sure I'm guilty of overthinking the whole situation. I can't help myself!

Wouldn't it be nice if the process were the same with every person. "Secret Friends" are easy. Others aren't. I know this, though. Sometimes it's the friendships that are hard fought that end up being the biggest blessings.

*"You Light Up My Life" playing in the background*

Do you know what I love?

I LOVE reading all the blogs that I follow.

I also LOVE the people who take time to read my blog.

Thank you blog friends. You light up my life :)

So Yeah....

So.... It's confirmed. I have an unknown virus that will resolve on it's own. I just get to suffer until my body fights it off.

What fun!

Complete Stress... or a Lack Thereof?

I have a very laid back personality. Things just don't usually get to me as quick as they do to the general populus.

I'm enduring a bit of a weird medical mystery at the moment. Don't freak out, I'm fine. It's just a nuisance really, but an odd nuisance.

Last night it was suggested to me by Hubby Guy that perhaps my condition is caused by stress.

I don't feel stressed. I feel fine. I'm generally happy and well adjusted.

Perhaps my condition is caused by the notion that my body feels stress even though I don't recognize it and has decided to manifest it's displeasure in creative ways.

I'm totally not down with that notion.

I've done lots of research and it all suggests that I'm not alone and just have an unknown virus that will ultimately resolve on it's own. Here's hoping!

I Just Don't Know....

I don't know what it is about holidays... especially Christmas.

In my family of birth all of the truly dreadful things that happen usually occur on or near Christmas.

This year it's that big end-of-life decisions are having to be made for my grandmother. Those decisions involve going through her house and deciding who might like to have what.

The realization of the upcoming splitting up of my grandparent's things has made me sad. The notion is not new. Everyone knew these actions were pending. I just don't understand why Christmas is when it has to happen. Can't we just celebrate and be normal and happy for Christmas?! Can't we save all manner of heartache for January?

And.... that could very well involve an unplanned stop through Mississippi on the way home from our anniversary cruise to load said items that might actually be given to me in the truck. I haven't even shared all this with Hubby Guy (Sorry, Hubby Guy... I love you and am grateful that you put up with the *expletive* my family occasionally pulls). This development happened this morning and I'm still trying to process all of it.

There's nothing like emotional baggage to ruin the Christmas spirit!

Watch Out World

I feel a whole mess of New Year's Resolutions coming on....

I'm just sayin'.

Echo...echo...echo...

Sometimes I question my life choices.

This time of year is just ridiculous!

It's gymnastics season which means I spend a LOT of time at the high school and when I am actually at home I spend lots of brain power working on choreography and making sure everyone has floor music, etc. I'm involved in a church committee thingy (that I really couldn't turn down for reasons to complicated to get into right now). It's time to Christmas shop and I haven't done anything yet. I'm teaching sunday school this week. I'm also attending a Bible study on thursday afternoons. Today there's even another home visit from a social worker, like I don't already have enough going on!

I MISS my friends!

I realize it's a trade off. I LOVE gymnastics. This is the only opportunity that exists in this area for me to participate with an actual team. I love the competition part of the sport. I taught in a local recreational gymnastics program for 2 years and hated it.

This morning on the way to work I was thinking about one of my friends and how I totally miss her. Then I saw my other friend just ahead of me (Steph) and wondered what's up in her life. (I tried to catch up to you and wave, but there was a slowbee in front of me who wouldn't get out of my way) It struck me that I might not ever know until February. I really hate that.

In other news.... there are exactly 24 days until Hubby Guy and I leave for our cruise. We will have been married 5 years on 12/31. How cool is that? The cruise will be awesome. It is right in the middle of gymnastic season, but fortunately it's over the Christmas holiday so I won't miss that much practice. It just means that I have to make sure all routines are solid here in the next week. The first meet is 12/16. After that it should be smooth sailing.

That's what's on my mind.

A Good One

'Twas the night before vacation and I was at Walmart....

The kid had asked for a book so I was in that section. You may or may not know this about me, but I'm a bookworm really bad! Once I pick up a book I can't put it down. I'm like the robot on the bad 80's flick "Short Circuit". If you know the movie you'll understand the reference "Ahhhh...input!" And... oh how I love to pick up a book. So, anyways, I was at Walmart in the book section. I thought to myself, "Self, you should get a book."

I feel I must take a moment to explain my method of book pickage. For the most part it hasn't failed me. That could have something to do with the notion that I'll read most anything.....anyway.... the first criteria when hunting for a good fiction paperback (yes, there's a difference for hardcover, but I won't bore you with that today.) is cover art. The good thing about the Walmart book section is that generally the covers face out. This makes the process much easier. This part is much harder at the library. The second part of the process is to read the synopsis on the back. The third and 4th parts of the process have to do with general storyline and reviews. On this particular trip, though, I zeroed in on one pretty quickly.

I finished it last night. It was really good. It should be a movie. It would make for a really good chic flick! Now... with that said.... it's written by a very secular author. Toward the end especially it had lots of very colorful language. I don't use that kind of language, ever. It was, however, warranted given what was happening in the story. I don't condone it but definitely understand it.

The book was ultimately happy and sad. It contained lots of dysfunction but was really honest and I believe very realistic about how life goes for those that don't have the Lord in their lives. I wondered at the end if the author has had lots of experience dealing with very callus so-called "Christians" who haven't the foggiest notion what an actual relationship with Christ is like. I would love for her to come to a saving knowledge of the Lord. She's a gifted writer. I could get really excited about nonsecular books written by her.

Anyway... I wanted to share an excerpt. It's so very good and ultimately relateable to the masses.

"I was standing in that place they call 'bittersweet'. That place that, if you could find it on a map, would be the mountain that sits between happy and sad. And I thought about how when you stand on that mountain, you can almost feel God's hand on your head and you just know, deep down inside, that even if you don't understand everything that happened to cause those mixed feelings, you still know there was a good reason for them happening."

I just love it. I feel like I've stood in that place they call "bittersweet". That's exactly how I feel right now about my children. I'm happy to have my family. I'm also very sad that the price for my new family was the utter destruction of another family. Though the destruction of that family isn't my fault, I'm sad for my children because even though their home life was bad, there was love there. DNA runs deep and there will always be a piece of them that doesn't belong to me. Sometimes that's really hard to stomach. The hardest part is that there is practically no one who understands. Adopting older children is emotionally difficult. The larger percentage of people who adopt choose to adopt a baby or a very young child. Unless you've walked the path that we've been on since 2/29/08 you can't understand. There aren't any words that lessen the emotional weight of it.

Sorry... I didn't mean to go all serious all of the sudden. That excerpt just really struck a cord with me. There are a couple of other excerpts too that are probably worthy of mention. "Bittersweet" though... that was good stuff. I call that particular book pickage a success.