I had the most interesting experience yesterday.
Background: I told my oldest child that she had to be "grades eligible" in order to attend the Homecoming dance at school. I told her that before school even started in August.
SO for the last 2 weeks the child has been grades INELIGIBLE. She has been fully aware and done nothing about it.
This past week she keep asking to make plans with another girl to get ready and go to the dance together. I repeatedly told her that making plans was a bad idea and not to commit to anything because the likelihood of her being allowed to go was slim. Apparently, she made plans with the other girl anyway. She didn't inform the girl that likely she would be unable to go because of grades.
So yesterday..... I got a call from the other girl's parent wanting to "clarify" what was going on. The conversation was, in a word, "awkward". I told her the truth. I got the sensation that she wanted me to change my mind and let my daughter go so her daughter wouldn't be so upset. I also got the distinct impression that she wanted me to apologize. I did apologize a little, but honestly, it wasn't my apology to give. My daughter made the mess. It's her mess to clean up.
What I keep going back to is "Why did she call me?" The issue was between our daughters. It should have been dealt with between our daughters. I don't ever want to be that parent. Especially over something like this. The other kid has a ticket and a dress. Her other friends will be at the dance. She's embarrassed to walk in alone. I can understand that. However, she will still have a blast at the dance. What my kid did will ultimately cause her exactly two minutes of possible discomfort. It's not like it really cost her anything. Yet, her parent thought it was worth a phone call. Really?
I want my children to learn NOW how to deal with disappointment, learn how to deal with other people, learn who not to trust, etc. Those are the battles that I will coach them through, but not fight for them. That particular skill set is so valuable in life.
My kid did ultimately get an earful from me about how her dishonesty hurt her friend. She did call her friend and apologize. She is still going over to her house to help her fix her hair and do her makeup and get all prettified. All is right with the world. I'm just left with a great example of how I don't want to be. I don't ever want to be a helicopter parent.
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