I would generally describe myself as being overly self aware. I am that person that wonders if I have a booger hanging out or if I have dirt on my face, etc. BUT, there are two places in life where I feel really free.
If you ever want to be entertained, you will put a hidden camera in my kitchen. I confess. When no one is home, I turn the music up. I dance, sing, and generally make a fool of myself. It feels really good.
The other place where I give myself a break is in the car. My car has a really great sound system. Good strong bass and an infectious beat make me a happy girl.
The thing that I find interesting is that I often get busted for singing and dancing in the car. If I was really as self aware as I claim, it seems like I would be more careful about being a fool in my vehicle. I'm not careful at all and that has resulted in some pretty embarrassing moments.
Well..... I got some new "happy" music last night. My car is my very favorite place to listen to new music. I turn it up loud and party from Point A to Point B. So when I got in this morning I cued it up before I ever even left the driveway. I already had my boogie on before I got to the end of the street.
Have you ever had one of those moments where you were very involved in what you were doing but had a growing awareness that perhaps you were being watched? I realized mid-boogie this morning that I was sitting at a stop sign behind the elementary school bus. The little guy sitting in the back seat had witnessed the spectacle of "car boogie" and as I became completely aware of what was going on he was demonstrating to his closest friends what he had seen. Pretty soon there were 6 little pairs of eyes staring at me. *busted again* Fortunately for me the bus turned the opposite direction and I could resume my party.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Friday, October 12, 2012
On Lies of Omission
The older I get, the more I realize how very much I value transparency. I find that I'm much quicker to offer mercy to the person who doesn't hold back.
When I consider the negatives of my childhood, some very specific issues stick out to me as being "biggies".
Our family was a giant lie. We looked like we had it together. We pretended like we had it together. We were ANYTHING BUT transparent. When I was really little I didn't know or get that. When I got to be in high school/college and started developing my own worldview and it became time to adopt my own sense of self and how to live I got really angry,and I mean REALLY angry. I basically cut off communication with my parents. I considered them big fat liars. I was able to identify what went wrong and I didn't like it at all.
For a very long time I was bitter.
As an adult I find that I can tolerate lots of things. I HATE, however, dishonesty. I would much rather murder someone with truth than spare feelings with lies. Perhaps I've swung too far in the opposite direction of my upbringing. It's how I am, though. I'm fond of that quality in me and appreciate it when I find it in others.
Our family is very different from the ones my husband and I grew up in. We're somewhat of a special circumstance as well. It's a circumstance for which I believe we are well suited.
Honesty and realness are very important in our household. It's an expectation of mine.
The drama continues to unfold in the girls' biological family. Everything kind of came to a head last night. I'm angry because the truth was kept from us. Full disclosure wasn't offered until we pressed the issue. Full disclosure was only offered when they realized they were caught. That gets all over me. When they did tell what happened, it was cloaked in excuses. As far as I'm concerned. It was just more of the same from them. It's a clear example of why I can't offer trust to that family. That muddys our waters around here a whole lot. It's unfortunate for the girls.
But... opportunity was there to come clean last week. The choice made by the person who needed to fess up was silence. In my book that's a lie of omission and sometimes those are even more harmful than blatant lies.
When I consider the negatives of my childhood, some very specific issues stick out to me as being "biggies".
Our family was a giant lie. We looked like we had it together. We pretended like we had it together. We were ANYTHING BUT transparent. When I was really little I didn't know or get that. When I got to be in high school/college and started developing my own worldview and it became time to adopt my own sense of self and how to live I got really angry,and I mean REALLY angry. I basically cut off communication with my parents. I considered them big fat liars. I was able to identify what went wrong and I didn't like it at all.
For a very long time I was bitter.
As an adult I find that I can tolerate lots of things. I HATE, however, dishonesty. I would much rather murder someone with truth than spare feelings with lies. Perhaps I've swung too far in the opposite direction of my upbringing. It's how I am, though. I'm fond of that quality in me and appreciate it when I find it in others.
Our family is very different from the ones my husband and I grew up in. We're somewhat of a special circumstance as well. It's a circumstance for which I believe we are well suited.
Honesty and realness are very important in our household. It's an expectation of mine.
The drama continues to unfold in the girls' biological family. Everything kind of came to a head last night. I'm angry because the truth was kept from us. Full disclosure wasn't offered until we pressed the issue. Full disclosure was only offered when they realized they were caught. That gets all over me. When they did tell what happened, it was cloaked in excuses. As far as I'm concerned. It was just more of the same from them. It's a clear example of why I can't offer trust to that family. That muddys our waters around here a whole lot. It's unfortunate for the girls.
But... opportunity was there to come clean last week. The choice made by the person who needed to fess up was silence. In my book that's a lie of omission and sometimes those are even more harmful than blatant lies.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
On The Stuff Roads Wrap Around
I live in a really great spot. It's both city and country at the same time. It's just a few minutes from big civilization and a few minutes from really rural. I have the best of both worlds very nearby.
There's a country road a couple blocks from my house where I like to go for walks. A few months ago I was out there walking. While I was walking I started really studying the area. I noticed all kinds of neat things. As usual, my imagination spurred my thought process.
Here's what I thought about for the rest of the walk: How I see where I live is generally defined by the roads, not by what the roads wrap around.
I began to consider the people and the lives that are lived out in the middle of what the roads wrap around. I've always lived with a road out in front of my house. There are lots of people who don't. I'm guessing that others are like myself when I say that my world begins at the front door of my little spot on the globe. Given that all houses don't have a road in front of them, I would imagine the worlds of others begin and end very different from mine.
It occurred to me too that I don't go "off road" very much, literally or figuratively. Literally, I go few places where there isn't solid concrete poured from A to B. Figuratively I don't either. My life is very generally A to B driven. Rarely do I have an "off road", "out of the box", or "outside my comfort zone" experience. I certainly don't seek those out.
Recently I blogged about living a life counting on supernatural provision. My brain wheels have yet to stop spinning on that concept. I think one of the primary stealers of a life lived full of faith is that we are conditioned to not stray from the path. It's much easier to stick to the roads that we know. I do it. Every now and then, though, my eyes wander from the road. There's a big piece of me that is drawn to those places. I can't help but wonder if the greatest things the Lord has in store for us are out in the places the road wraps around.
There's a country road a couple blocks from my house where I like to go for walks. A few months ago I was out there walking. While I was walking I started really studying the area. I noticed all kinds of neat things. As usual, my imagination spurred my thought process.
Here's what I thought about for the rest of the walk: How I see where I live is generally defined by the roads, not by what the roads wrap around.
I began to consider the people and the lives that are lived out in the middle of what the roads wrap around. I've always lived with a road out in front of my house. There are lots of people who don't. I'm guessing that others are like myself when I say that my world begins at the front door of my little spot on the globe. Given that all houses don't have a road in front of them, I would imagine the worlds of others begin and end very different from mine.
It occurred to me too that I don't go "off road" very much, literally or figuratively. Literally, I go few places where there isn't solid concrete poured from A to B. Figuratively I don't either. My life is very generally A to B driven. Rarely do I have an "off road", "out of the box", or "outside my comfort zone" experience. I certainly don't seek those out.
Recently I blogged about living a life counting on supernatural provision. My brain wheels have yet to stop spinning on that concept. I think one of the primary stealers of a life lived full of faith is that we are conditioned to not stray from the path. It's much easier to stick to the roads that we know. I do it. Every now and then, though, my eyes wander from the road. There's a big piece of me that is drawn to those places. I can't help but wonder if the greatest things the Lord has in store for us are out in the places the road wraps around.
Monday, October 8, 2012
On Family Fun
Of one thing I am absolutely certain...... my children will have fun stories to tell my grandchildren from when they were kids. Our household has actually been described as a "like a circus". All of our individual weirdness combined makes for a really interesting environment sometimes.
One of the things we enjoy as a family is lurking in dark corners and scaring one another. It was actually the children that initiated that particular game that we play. They truly love a good scare.
The best thing happened last night. Scott and I went to small group and left the kids at home. Upon our return, when we pulled into the garage and before the truck was even turned off we could hear super loud music coming from inside the house. I have a boom box in the kitchen and it's against the garage wall. Well, the music was so loud that they obviously hadn't heard the garage door going up or the truck pulling in. They didn't hear the truck doors close when we got out either. It was the perfect occasion. I flung open the kitchen door and jumped in and yelled. Aliera froze and after a long 2 second delay screamed like she was being killed. Ashlyn doubled over from a near heart attack. It was awesome!
The only trouble we have now is that once someone scares someone really good they become a target. I have a feeling I'm in big trouble. :)
One of the things we enjoy as a family is lurking in dark corners and scaring one another. It was actually the children that initiated that particular game that we play. They truly love a good scare.
The best thing happened last night. Scott and I went to small group and left the kids at home. Upon our return, when we pulled into the garage and before the truck was even turned off we could hear super loud music coming from inside the house. I have a boom box in the kitchen and it's against the garage wall. Well, the music was so loud that they obviously hadn't heard the garage door going up or the truck pulling in. They didn't hear the truck doors close when we got out either. It was the perfect occasion. I flung open the kitchen door and jumped in and yelled. Aliera froze and after a long 2 second delay screamed like she was being killed. Ashlyn doubled over from a near heart attack. It was awesome!
The only trouble we have now is that once someone scares someone really good they become a target. I have a feeling I'm in big trouble. :)
Saturday, October 6, 2012
On NOT Being A Helicopter Parent
I had the most interesting experience yesterday.
Background: I told my oldest child that she had to be "grades eligible" in order to attend the Homecoming dance at school. I told her that before school even started in August.
SO for the last 2 weeks the child has been grades INELIGIBLE. She has been fully aware and done nothing about it.
This past week she keep asking to make plans with another girl to get ready and go to the dance together. I repeatedly told her that making plans was a bad idea and not to commit to anything because the likelihood of her being allowed to go was slim. Apparently, she made plans with the other girl anyway. She didn't inform the girl that likely she would be unable to go because of grades.
So yesterday..... I got a call from the other girl's parent wanting to "clarify" what was going on. The conversation was, in a word, "awkward". I told her the truth. I got the sensation that she wanted me to change my mind and let my daughter go so her daughter wouldn't be so upset. I also got the distinct impression that she wanted me to apologize. I did apologize a little, but honestly, it wasn't my apology to give. My daughter made the mess. It's her mess to clean up.
What I keep going back to is "Why did she call me?" The issue was between our daughters. It should have been dealt with between our daughters. I don't ever want to be that parent. Especially over something like this. The other kid has a ticket and a dress. Her other friends will be at the dance. She's embarrassed to walk in alone. I can understand that. However, she will still have a blast at the dance. What my kid did will ultimately cause her exactly two minutes of possible discomfort. It's not like it really cost her anything. Yet, her parent thought it was worth a phone call. Really?
I want my children to learn NOW how to deal with disappointment, learn how to deal with other people, learn who not to trust, etc. Those are the battles that I will coach them through, but not fight for them. That particular skill set is so valuable in life.
My kid did ultimately get an earful from me about how her dishonesty hurt her friend. She did call her friend and apologize. She is still going over to her house to help her fix her hair and do her makeup and get all prettified. All is right with the world. I'm just left with a great example of how I don't want to be. I don't ever want to be a helicopter parent.
Background: I told my oldest child that she had to be "grades eligible" in order to attend the Homecoming dance at school. I told her that before school even started in August.
SO for the last 2 weeks the child has been grades INELIGIBLE. She has been fully aware and done nothing about it.
This past week she keep asking to make plans with another girl to get ready and go to the dance together. I repeatedly told her that making plans was a bad idea and not to commit to anything because the likelihood of her being allowed to go was slim. Apparently, she made plans with the other girl anyway. She didn't inform the girl that likely she would be unable to go because of grades.
So yesterday..... I got a call from the other girl's parent wanting to "clarify" what was going on. The conversation was, in a word, "awkward". I told her the truth. I got the sensation that she wanted me to change my mind and let my daughter go so her daughter wouldn't be so upset. I also got the distinct impression that she wanted me to apologize. I did apologize a little, but honestly, it wasn't my apology to give. My daughter made the mess. It's her mess to clean up.
What I keep going back to is "Why did she call me?" The issue was between our daughters. It should have been dealt with between our daughters. I don't ever want to be that parent. Especially over something like this. The other kid has a ticket and a dress. Her other friends will be at the dance. She's embarrassed to walk in alone. I can understand that. However, she will still have a blast at the dance. What my kid did will ultimately cause her exactly two minutes of possible discomfort. It's not like it really cost her anything. Yet, her parent thought it was worth a phone call. Really?
I want my children to learn NOW how to deal with disappointment, learn how to deal with other people, learn who not to trust, etc. Those are the battles that I will coach them through, but not fight for them. That particular skill set is so valuable in life.
My kid did ultimately get an earful from me about how her dishonesty hurt her friend. She did call her friend and apologize. She is still going over to her house to help her fix her hair and do her makeup and get all prettified. All is right with the world. I'm just left with a great example of how I don't want to be. I don't ever want to be a helicopter parent.
Monday, October 1, 2012
On Changing for the Better
I have a splendid idea... Only, it's too late because I just thought of it and I needed to start a long time ago.
If I had a time machine I'd skip through time. Here's what I would do at each stop.
I would take a picture of little Stef growing up. I'd put it in a journal, of sorts, and I'd interview little Stef and make notes about her personality.
It would look/sound a lot like this:
Eh picture: Quiet, shy, scared of own shadow
Ugly picture: Quiet, shy, scared of own shadow
Hideous picture: Quiet, shy, nerdy, scared of own shadow
Eh picture: Quiet, shy, somewhat athletic, nerdy, still very much afraid of own shadow
Decent picture: Quiet, very athletic, socially awkward, shadow very scary, control freak
Pretty good picture: Quiet, really awkward, taking a machete to jungle of life - creating path, still big control freak
Then...... BLAMO!!!! Several years pass and it looks more like this:
Decent Picture: Quiet, smart, confident, silly, not afraid of shadow.
Last night something very odd happened. I was at the home of a buddy of mine. It was girls night and several of us sat around eating yummy food and telling stories. It was great fun. BUT, as I was walking out the front door, my buddy smacked my backside! WHAT?! I just kept talking, but I walked away questioning. She has never done that before. Apparently our relationship has crossed over from friends to really good friends? Not sure. Anyway, it got me thinking.
When I run that scenario across my personalities through the years, my reaction would definitely have been very different. When I was in my mid twenties one of my crazy friends grabbed my backside in a moment that made perfect sense to what was going on. Everyone there saw and laughed hysterically except me. I got IRATE. I didn't speak to her for a long time afterward. I was dumb because if you heard the story you would think it was funny too. I even think now that it was funny. It just wasn't well received at the time because I was ridiculously rigid.
I realized last night that I've come a long way. I still didn't appreciate my backside being slapped but I didn't freak out and embarrass myself. And, I don't hold a grudge. I still love my buddy. The truth is we're friends because she is crazy and I do enjoy a healthy dose of crazy every once and a while.
I'm grateful to be aware of how God has molded me through the years. Too often I encounter people who it seems have decided who they are and are unwilling to entertain the notion that time and circumstances can actually change a person for the better. I think that's sad.
If I had a time machine I'd skip through time. Here's what I would do at each stop.
I would take a picture of little Stef growing up. I'd put it in a journal, of sorts, and I'd interview little Stef and make notes about her personality.
It would look/sound a lot like this:
Eh picture: Quiet, shy, scared of own shadow
Ugly picture: Quiet, shy, scared of own shadow
Hideous picture: Quiet, shy, nerdy, scared of own shadow
Eh picture: Quiet, shy, somewhat athletic, nerdy, still very much afraid of own shadow
Decent picture: Quiet, very athletic, socially awkward, shadow very scary, control freak
Pretty good picture: Quiet, really awkward, taking a machete to jungle of life - creating path, still big control freak
Then...... BLAMO!!!! Several years pass and it looks more like this:
Decent Picture: Quiet, smart, confident, silly, not afraid of shadow.
Last night something very odd happened. I was at the home of a buddy of mine. It was girls night and several of us sat around eating yummy food and telling stories. It was great fun. BUT, as I was walking out the front door, my buddy smacked my backside! WHAT?! I just kept talking, but I walked away questioning. She has never done that before. Apparently our relationship has crossed over from friends to really good friends? Not sure. Anyway, it got me thinking.
When I run that scenario across my personalities through the years, my reaction would definitely have been very different. When I was in my mid twenties one of my crazy friends grabbed my backside in a moment that made perfect sense to what was going on. Everyone there saw and laughed hysterically except me. I got IRATE. I didn't speak to her for a long time afterward. I was dumb because if you heard the story you would think it was funny too. I even think now that it was funny. It just wasn't well received at the time because I was ridiculously rigid.
I realized last night that I've come a long way. I still didn't appreciate my backside being slapped but I didn't freak out and embarrass myself. And, I don't hold a grudge. I still love my buddy. The truth is we're friends because she is crazy and I do enjoy a healthy dose of crazy every once and a while.
I'm grateful to be aware of how God has molded me through the years. Too often I encounter people who it seems have decided who they are and are unwilling to entertain the notion that time and circumstances can actually change a person for the better. I think that's sad.
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