Sunday, December 15, 2013

On Fledgling Emotions

On Friday I was wildly happy. I was happy all day. I was so happy that others were entertained by how happy I was.

Today I'm angry. I'm so angry that I feel bad all over like I'm sick. My heart hurts.

In September I restarted life. I started living life from a place of freedom. It has been grand. BUT, the hardest part for me has been learning how to feel stuff. I'm a person who for my entire life has lived on emotional lockdown. It's much safer to simply be numb. That way things don't get to you.

I have enjoyed these months of learning to loosen up. I've enjoyed my senses being awakened. I'm just more accustomed to staying very "together".  Experiencing a range of emotions makes life less predictable. I don't think I care for the ebb and flow of it.

2 comments:

  1. I'm just now catching up on your blog (I have a huge backlog of blogs I read and yours got lost in it somehow). Anyways, sorry you were angry - I get (and stay) angry way too often and it's something I'm still trying to work on. But I can tell, you from very personal experience, it is so much better than shutting down.

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