On Playing Pick Up Sticks

In a recent post I said "At times I feel quite helpless when I try to line up the life I live with the ideals in my head about what life is supposed to look like." I was thinking more about that today. I think one thing that prevents me from lining up life with the ideals in my head is that I have conflicting ideals. There are multiple ideologies at war within me.

My brain says we are a family of 4. The girls are ours and ours alone. Their biological family has no rights. Hubby Guy and I set the example that we expect them to follow. The only history that matters began 2/29/08. We are an island. We have what we need and then some. Life is good. 

My heart says that we are a family of 4 but have a very multifaceted family. The girls are ours but there are people out there who share history and genetics with them. They love all of the people that have been and continue to be a part of their lives. Hubby Guy and I nurture them but give them a measure of freedom to maintain relationships with biological family. That is important to them. We are a peninsula. We have what we need and them some. Life is strange but we do what we can.

Psychology says that it's healthy to maintain relationships with persons from their biological family. It also says that the most important bond to nurture is our family of 4. That's all that really matters. Hubby Guy and I are responsible for guiding them through the peaks and valleys that are part and parcel to their traumatic early years. History is "worked on" and future health is the focus. We are a tree fort. We have what we need and then some. Life is a calculated gamble and we hope for the best.

My friends and family say we are heroes and the girls are lucky to have us. They have no sense of our family. They don't understand what life is like for us. They mean well. They can't really offer much help. Hubby Guy and I just shake our heads and smile. We are a sitcom. We have what we need and then some. Life is prime time and we play the part.

My God says:
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

A man's heart plans his way, but the LORD determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

For I know the plans I have for you"--this is the LORD's declaration--"plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

If anyone speaks, it should be as one who speaks God's words; if anyone serves, it should be from the strength God provides, so that God may be glorified through Jesus Christ in everything. To Him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen. I Peter 4:11

We may be a household of 4 but we are His. He gave us the instructions to work from. He is our strength. The girls  are His, not ours. He loves us and He loves their biological family. He cares about every little detail of our lives. Hubby Guy and I are to remain faithful. We are a royal priesthood (I Peter 2:9). God will meet all of our needs. (Philippians 4:19) . Life is for His glory.

I would say that often I feel like I juggle all of these ideologies. That, however, isn't true. Unfortunately, each notion carries weight. Some are far weightier than they should be. More often that not, I feel like they've fallen heavy around me like a pile of life sized Pick Up Sticks. To move one is likely to upset the others. It's what I do though. I  wrestle with life sized heaviness that comes and goes and is driven by circumstance.