On God Loves Me

His joy comes in the morning but Oh how He loves me at dusk!  Stef

     Throughout the last 9 years and 4 1/2 months I've had to pinch myself on the regular concerning specifically how God has blessed me with my Hubby Guy. He is a prize, ya'll. Not only does he mow the lawn, but he does dishes too! And the blessings just flow from there. All too often I hear of struggles within relationships. We are imperfect human beings and blending imperfections will always come with side effects. I don't claim a perfect marriage. I am, however, increasingly aware of how blessed I am to be married to my Hubby Guy. He is a gift straight from a very loving God.

     A week ago Hubby Guy bought me a new car. I have told only a handful of people about it. I've had a hard time putting into words how I feel about it. The truth is Hubby Guy has bought me 5 new cars in the almost 9 1/2 years we have been married. That statistic is shameful to admit. I've been somewhat embarrassed. 5 new cars....when the world is lousy with poverty. 5 new cars.... when there are children in foster care awaiting forever families. 5 new cars.... when so many have so little? Why? I've been thinking on that.

     In recent months I've come face to face with some notions that have plagued me for the entirety of my life. My stinking thinking has been exposed to the light of God's Word. It has been an interesting journey of discovery. It has not been an easy journey. It has been a many mile hike in extremely hilly territory. One of the first and biggest things I've learned so far is that God loves me. Maybe I'm the only one, but I've never really felt comforted by the hearing of those words. Hearing that has always felt to me like someone handing me a cup of sand to drink while I'm dying of thirst in the desert. That has always sounded to my ears like a really shallow "churchy" thing to say and has never carried much weight. These last few months have proved otherwise. One day this week a precious friend told me that I don't "ooze hurt" anymore. Like the hemorrhaging woman in Luke 8, I feel like I've been bleeding for years. For so long I haven't believed that there was help for me. I've been drowning in that unbelief from the choir loft, while teaching Sunday school, and while offering to serve in a number of ways. I have felt so conflicted. Why did I not run to Him sooner? Now, though,  I feel like I've managed to just touch the hem of His robe and have received healing.

     Tonight the ladies from our small group at church got together. We've been going through Beth Moore's study Here and Now, There and Then on the book of Revelation. Tonight's lesson was about God's betrothed. It was all about God's love for His chosen. As we were leaving, one of the ladies noticed my car. I was put on the spot. Again, I felt awkward. As I drove west towards home, over the mountains was painted a masterful sunset. I was awestruck, as I am prone to be when it comes to the splendor of creation. I started feeling so grateful for that sunset, for the beautiful black and white horse that was munching on a tree near the road, for the calves and their watchful mommas in the pasture, for the really shiny wheels on my pretty new vehicle to drive me through it all. And God held me close and whispered tenderly, "See how much I love you?". My mind drifted to a time 18 years ago when I bought my first car. I remember being so very afraid. I remember praying with a friend over the decision. I remember committing wholeheartedly that I would honor God with that car. I am reminded as I write this of several mileposts in life when I have committed other areas wholeheartedly to God... like remaining pure for marriage. And I think again about my Hubby Guy, that loving, doting, prize of a man I've been blessed with.... and again tonight God whispers tenderly, "See how much I love you?".

     I think I finally get it. A sunset drive through the gorgeous countryside in a brand new Ruby Red Edge from my amazing Hubby Guy is a pretty ostentatious way to get a girl's attention, but I get it. Not only does God love me, but He loves me with extravagance. He wanted me to know that tonight and for forever.