On The Fairy Tale Paradigm of Life Planning

I had a conversation with a friend recently about the stage of life where we find ourselves.

Beginning in the garden the stage was set. A girl was made for a guy. So, inherently, the story throughout the ages has been built on that notion. We're made for marriage. Our job is family. Little girls dream of the hunky guy, dream wedding, beautiful children, etc. Somewhere along the line we are duped into believing that's all life is about.

I don't really remember how old I was when I began considering my "future family". I do know that I considered it. From somewhere came a mental timeline. At some point I made a promise to my mother that I would not get married before I graduated from college. My timeline was always high school-college (at least a Bachelor's degree)-marriage-children. Since I promised my mother I would wait until after college, I spotted myself a couple of years and decided that I would likely be married by the time I was 24.

My fairy tale didn't happen the way I had planned it. When I was 24 I felt like a total loser. Although I had a college degree, I hadn't found my prince. That launched a very emotionally rocky time in my life. As the years passed I felt more and more like life had just passed me by. In those days I always felt like I had been shoved off of a moving merry-go-round. Everyone else was still merrily spinning and I was left shocked standing on the sidelines watching.

The very sad part about following the fairy tale paradigm of life planning is that I believe it doesn't address something very important. We are so focused on the husband, kids, and white picket fence that we forget to nurture our God given talents and abilities. No one ever asked me as a girl what I wanted to accomplish in life. No one ever asked me about my dreams.No one ever asked me about or nurtured by talents. My primary concern was familyhood. I was made to feel less-than because I hadn't achieved it.

My friend told me that she has everything she's ever wanted and is starting to realize that she's not fulfilled. She loves her Hubby and her kids. She feels blessed, educated, and successful. She just feels like perhaps God made her for more than just the fairy tale. I totally understand that feeling. I'd be willing to wager that lots of women feel that way. We bought the notion that the fairy tale was a primary concern when perhaps it should have been a secondary or even tertiary priority.

I feel super fortunate to have married later in life. I'm super happy too that God hijacked my fairy tale. I married Superman and God graciously allowed me to skip the diaper phase of my children's lives. In a way, I had time that lots of girls don't get to consider those things that God made me to do. I wish I could say with confidence that I have accomplished a lot of it. I have accomplished some of it. I believe that my marriage is a part of God's plan. I'm certainly not saying that marriage and family is a bad thing. I'm merely lamenting that    even good things can often be hindrances to God's ability to use us.