So I Have This Ism...

I have an "ism". It makes me NEED to rearrange furniture.

Last night I flipped our bedroom. It's almost identical to itself. I switched the things on the right with the things on the left. It's almost like I just turned it over. I like it. It's different.

I first started practicing this particular ism when I was a kid. When I clean I find that I like to completely clean. That requires moving furniture so I can clean under it. I figured since I was moving the furniture anyway I may as well rearrange it. An "ism" was born.

I was thinking last night whilst moving stuff around about being content. I don't think I've ever blogged about it before but I'm DESPERATE to move to another house. I LOVE where my house is but it's just inadequate for our needs. It's too small. I seriously considered my gripes about where I live and decided I'm not being foolish. The house really is too small. I'm trying really hard to be content but no amount of furniture moving ever makes it any better. It's causing me stress.

About Me

All the time I'm amazed by the bigness of the world and all the opportunity therein. One side of me is free spirited and wants to travel constantly and see everything. The other side of me wants to be cozy and known and stable in one place.

I think I've decided I'm too hard on myself.

I think I'm guilty of giving a rats patoot what others think of me. I get all wound up when I don't meet the expectations of others. If others don't share their expectations I make some up for them. I realize that's unfair.

Sometimes I feel like I think I'm normal and everyone else sees me as basically insane.

I really do wish that people could know the ME that lives in my head.

On Christmas

I had a deep realization yesterday regarding Christmas.

Since I've been married I haven't done Christmas the same as I did in the years prior to being married. I feel like I haven't celebrated it at all.

For the last several years I have used the excuse that Christmas is about Christ and not about all the other stuff to avoid celebrating or being festive and enjoying the holiday. The truth is that Christmas is a secular holiday that Christians hijacked and made about Christ. Read the history before you go getting all mad at me for saying that.

I AM a Christian and I think hijacking it was a good idea. HOWEVER, as a child Christmas was the ONE time of year when I felt connected to my family and actually enjoyed being a part of it. Our family CELEBRATED Christmas. We celebrated all aspects of it. We decorated, we baked all manner of yummy candy and cookies, we bought each other presents, and we believed in Santa. I miss that and I want it back!

This year, again, we have a really good reason to pass it by without any hoopla. We are actually ditching our children on Christmas day and we'll be traveling. The trip was planned 3 years ago before we had children. I'm excited about it. I want to go. But, I feel bad now that it falls when it does. Another year essentially missed. ARG!

I'm gonna fix the problem. I'm not sure how just yet, but I'm gonna.

I NEED...

I NEED to get back on a roll with blogging. It really brings me lots of joy.

I haven't felt inspired to write about anything good lately.

So I ask.... what would you like to know about me? I have lots of stories about stuff.

Mean People Create Negative Pressure!

I'm really hurt right now. I need to rant just a little bit.

I have an awesome job. BUT, there ARE people at work who don't like me.

The favorite pastime of the people who don't like me is to exclude me. Today is one of those days. They decided yesterday that today was to be "purple day" and didn't tell me. So, I stick out like a sore thumb. I know. It's silly. It's just a stupid color.

I'm hurt, though. I'm angry too.

Why is it that some people never recover from childhood meanness? Why do some people just have to step on others to make themselves feel good? It makes me irate!

An Apology

Sorry I haven't had anything to say lately. I've been completely without inspiration.

My schedule has allowed very little extra.

I think too that I'm in a period of post adoption papers brain rest. Again, there's no way to describe the pressure we've been under until now.

Hopefully I'll be back in the swing soon.

I Confess...

I confess.... I love to watch people. I posted before about how I love to walk through other neighborhoods and imagine life differently (Out of Life Experience). Tonight I was sitting at a restaurant and could not help but watch people. There were TONS of people in there. I found myself imagining life as other people.

I am constantly amazed at how different our lives are. There is a lot common to daily life, but schedules and places and families are all different.

I started to consider why I people watch. I don't want to switch lives. I like mine. I know better than to think the grass is greener.

I just love to watch people. I LOVE, LOVE to go sit some crowded place and just take it all in. It's like being a benevolent stranger in an ant hill. People rush here and there. They talk on their cell phones to unseen people. They're mad, sad, angry, happy, whatever. It's positively intriguing.

Another thought I had was this: I heard quoted someplace that "God is in the people business." I can't help but think the reason why me and so many others I've known love to people watch is because we're wired for relationship. God wants us to engage one another. That wonder I have is supposed to be used for His kingdom.

That makes me feel kinda bad because I'm shy until I get to know people. I think most of the time I'd rather sit back and watch.