It Just Ain't Right!

Ok... so I've got this personal trainer person.

It's been really fun. I meet with her once a week. She gives me written workouts to do all the other days. I've been good and done the majority of it.

It's been cold outside and I haven't been able to do my favorite cardio workout (jumping on the trampoline).

Yesterday I finally broke down and went to UREC. That's the big rec/workout place on campus. I usually only go there to use the indoor track. I'm kinda scared of the room with all the machines in it. I feel old, fat and out of place. I went right into the scary room and found myself an elliptical machine (my new addiction) and worked out out for 45 minutes. After that I went home and did the rest of my workout (sit ups, push ups, etc.)

And... today guess what I did? I went back and did it again!!! Holy Smokes!!

I was pondering something as I was working out today. The more I work out the more I want to work out. It doesn't make sense to me that using all that energy makes you have more energy.

We went out for dinner early tonight. When I got home I immediately went into project mode. I flipped my wardrobe (summer for winter). It's a huge project! And.. while I was doing that I did 95% of the laundry in the house. (Another huge project) So 3 hours later I'm still not as tired as I should be. CRAZY!!! It just ain't right.

Blah!

I'm seriously lacking inspiration this morning.

Just imagine that I've written something really clever yet heartwarming and truly hysterical.

Have a great day!

The Best Stuff Ever!

I more than "heart" flannel PJs. I dare say that I LOVE them.

I can't understand WHY I can't wear my purple flannel Grumpy (as in the dwarf) pants out in public. WHY must life be so unfair?

The world would be a happier place if everyone could just wear flannels and baggy sweats everyplace.

Like Fine Wine

Ok... let me qualify all this with I'm not a drinker. I've never even tasted wine.

I have, however, heard lots of references to fine wine. I've heard that it grows on you. I've heard that you have to pair the beverage with a food item that compliments it to really appreciate it. I've heard stuff about how it's aged to perfection, etc.

I have this to say about all that.

There are a couple things in my life that seem similar.

1) Old friends - I have one friendship in particular that has really experienced the gamut of things life has to offer. It's a friendship that has been aged. I don't know if perfection is the word I would assign to it. I would say about it, though, that age has brought a sweetness to it that I value highly. When I compare that friendship to some of the others that I have there's a definitely a lasting quality about it. I think at this point there's been so much invested that neither one of us would ever let it go. I'm not at all saying I want to. I'm just sayin...

2) Foster to adopt - I don't have the time, vocabulary, or emotional fortitude to appropriately and adequately explain the complexity of the foster to adopt circumstance. It does things to you emotionally that are unnatural. It ISN'T for the weak. What it requires can't be quantified on any existing scale.

The piece of it that reminds me of the fine wine reference is this: (Hang in I'll get there eventually)

When you lose a child that you love it breaks you in a way that only a person who has endured it understands. I endured it in the context of losing a child I fostered. I cannot imagine what it's like to lose a biological child. That just doesn't compute. It hurts my heart and head to think about.

We took in our current children 6 weeks after the loss of our first child. For almost 2 years now a part of me has been held back. I haven't yet to bond with my girls the way I did with the first one.

I feel like for the last two years we've participated in a process that had no guaranteed outcome at all. At times all I had towards it was bitterness. I was certain that the process was wasteful.

As I think about the adoption process that begins in 13 days, I begin to recognize the end of the process. I can start to imagine the sweetness. I can identify the work that has gone into the final product. I can place value in the relationship in a way I couldn't before because of the fear that I would lose them too.

I've begun to imagine things that previously were emotionally unsafe like learning to drive, graduations, boyfriends, and weddings. I've aged into these kids and when the adoption is final it will have been worth the process.

Bittersweet

I need to take the opportunity here today to vent about something and share my heart on a topic.

Our first foster placement was the most precious little girl. We only had her a month but we bonded instantly and would have been the happiest family unit ever had we not been separated.

I was sad but ok about her being moved. She was moved to the home of an aunt and uncle that have known her since she was born. She wasn't going somewhere she didn't want to go.

6 weeks after we lost her we got the call about our current girls. Life took off from there.

A few months ago I got a call from a person (very long story) who was begging me to take our original kid back. She told me that she was being placed back into foster care. Hubby Guy and I talked about it and decided that if the agency offered her we would say yes. They never offered.

A couple months ago I posted here about having encountered her.

I don't think I've shared the newest tidbit. She's now in the same gymnastics class as my little one.

She's healthy and happy. I have no complaints. I just miss her.

So during that gymnastics class I find myself watching the first kid more than I do my current kid. This past Saturday was "viewing day". They actually let us in the gym and we don't have to hover in windows and doors to see. I got a front row seat. My first little one knows that I watch her. She likes it too because every time she does a trick she looks up to me to make sure I saw. She and I bonded over gymnastics when she was in our house. It was during gymnastics season and I was at the gym a lot. Hubby Guy would bring her there to see me. I would let her play on the mats, walk the beam, etc. She LOVED it.

Her new foster mom doesn't watch the class. That's all I'll say about that.

I've just never experienced a feeling like it before. I love a kid and feel like I can't have a relationship with her. It's TERRIBLE! I'm happy that I get to see her but it's really bittersweet.

I just needed to say that.

Randomness

I don't know.....

This picture is darn funny.

I can' help but smile when I see these kitties.

I need to kiss the sweet face of the kitty in the background. Doesn't he totally look like he doesn't get it? I totally love him for it.

This picture reminds me of me and my brother. He was forever cracking up himself and others. I was the one in the background wondering what was so funny.

Work With Me Here...

You may or may not know that we (us earthlings) shot a missile at the moon this morning. The purpose was to study the scraps to see if they could find evidence of water. Apparently they're still looking for life or something. Anyway... they promised live shots of it. There were lots of disappointed science nerds this morning because there were no actual shots of it. That part didn't work!

Well... I found humor in that. Immediately the picture that came to mind was the Bugs Bunny episode where they blew up the moon and Bugs and Marvin were left hanging from it's scraps. I searched online for that picture and couldn't find it. I'm disappointed.

When Hubby Guy (Science Nerd) told me he was waiting to see the live feed this morning and I asked him what they were doing, he said they were gonna shoot the moon to see if anybody shoots back.

So this is the image we're likely to see on the evening news.

Who knows how little Marvin will retaliate. :)